#57: Dr. Melissa Hughes - Train Your Brain to Succeed

What do you do to be a bad boss?

What’s the greatest gift you can give?

Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?

These and other fascinating questions are addressed when Brain Science maven Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissahughesphd/

https://www.melissahughes.rocks/

2:00 Knowing our past gives us a sense of direction for the future

From 4th grade teacher to neuroscience researcher

We all have access to information; how are we using it?

6:30  What do you do to be a bad boss?

Traditional hierarchy vs. teams

Psychological safety and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

We all want to feel that we belong

Innovation is all about challenging the status quo

“This is how we do it” vs. “Can we do it better?”

11:00 Who is wise?  One who learns from every person

We have to know what works, but also what doesn’t work

Obstacles vs. challenges:  the brain loves challenges

Leaders who listen to employees create a culture of problem solving

15:00 The best way to learn is to teach

We all teach and we all learn

We all contribute and we’re all recognized

The brain doesn’t differentiate between physical and emotional threats

Diversity of perspective leads to full understanding

What’s the greatest gift we can give?

19:30  When we contribute we fee ownership and control

Patterns and self-fulfilling prophecies

We notice what we’re looking for

Would I talk to another person the way I talk to myself?

Showing gratitude benefits us more that the object of our appreciation 

25:00 The brain’s bouncer

The brain let’s in what we tell it to

29:30  The word of the day: Adumbrative

serving to foreshadow; faintly indicative

We create our own reality through our experiences, habits, and expectations

Transcript

Margarita Gurri: 0:03

Welcome to the Rabbi and the Shrink. This is Dr. Margarita Gurri, also known as Dr. Red Shoe, and everyone's favorite Rabbi

Yonason Goldson: 0:12

Yonason Goldson.

Margarita Gurri: 0:14

And the good Rabbi has yet again found us another amazing resource for the rabbi and the shrink. We have with us, Dr. Melissa Hughes. Welcome.

Melissa Hughes: 0:24

Thank you so much. It's so great to be here,

Yonason Goldson: 0:27

Hi Melissa.

Margarita Gurri: 0:28

Yeah, we are delighted. Dr. Hughes is an interesting soul. She has this company called the enteric group. And I know I'm gonna brag on you for a little bit. But I want to make sure that you say, I love the story of why you call this the Andrew group your business. Why?

Unknown: 0:47

So I several years ago, about 12 years ago, I decided to leave this position that I was in and I was going off and starting my own business, because I just, it was time for me to embark on some new endeavor. And at the time, I reached out to my mom and dad and said, What do you think I should do? me it was a big scary step forward, right. And so I had a conversation with my mom and dad, and my dad said, make the decision and don't look back, make the decision and don't look back. And so I was time to, like, figure out who I was going to be. And Andric is my father's name. And and so in his honor, I called it the Andrew group. And I was able to get my father business cards for the first time in his life, because he worked at he worked at Goodyear Tire and Rubber for 43 years, and he never had business cards. So I named him chairman emeritus. And the very first business purchase I made was from for Vistaprint, for business cards for my dad.

Margarita Gurri: 1:56

I think that your story for how you got started and our our beginnings aren't always so beautiful. No, but that was certainly a beautiful beginning.

Yonason Goldson: 2:06

I think there's a message in there that when we feel that we are part of a continuum, you know, there's a Jewish folk story about a fellow who's traveling from Jerusalem to do areas. And he comes to a crossroads and and the direction sign is lying on the ground is broken. So what does he do? Well, he doesn't know where he's going. But he knows where he came from, picks up the sign, he puts the arrow to Jerusalem back the way it came. And I was able to figure out where to go from there. So when we have a sense of where we've come from, it helps focus us on the future and gives us a sense of purpose and direction. tremendous pleasure from

Margarita Gurri: 2:45

I hope all that our listeners have that Andric arrow arrow that they can, they can follow their own arrow. Alright, so you can tell that our guest today thinks about things differently. In fact, she's an expert on how we think, and our brain and bringing out the best in people. She talks about making a group of individual rock stars into rock star teams, has an amazing way of looking at it. I love even her website is different. It's Melissa Hughes, Melissa with two S's, Hughes dot rocks, r o c ks, speaking of her brand, I mean, that's just lovely. And her LinkedIn profile is Melissa Hughes, PhD. One of the things that you do that other people don't do is you use your cutting edge research. To back up your understanding for when you were a fourth grade teacher, please start us start us off on the beginning of the journey. And that led you to eventually a series of books that help us all on our journeys, the happy hour with Einstein happier hour with Einstein, happier hour, another round, and then the gratitude journal that goes with it. So how did it get started from fourth grade?

Unknown: 4:06

So I was a fourth grade teacher in a very small school district outside of Akron, Ohio. And I taught the first year I sat down with my mentor. And we did kind of a post mortem, like what worked well, what didn't work. So well. What do you want to work on and come back stronger and better, you know, next year? And my overarching question was, How can I possibly be an effective teacher, if I don't understand how the brain learns, and all of those factors that impact cognition and problem solving and creativity and all those things? And that was really where the journey started. And you know, I'll fast forward about 20 years and I continue to do the research and I learned a lot about brain function and cognition. As it relates to kids in the classroom, but then I started having more and more conversation with people who are not in the classroom, who were in the boardroom and who were in the conference rooms. And what I discovered was learning how to learn and learning how to improve cognition becomes even more important after you leave that fourth grade classroom, like, all things being equal organizations who understand how to really grow the collective intelligence of their groups. That's what separates the best of us from the rest of us, right? Because we are now all I mean, years ago, if you had access to the internet, or you had specific tools that cost a lot of money, then you had a competitive advantage against your, against your rivals. But now, ever, we all have the same access to information. The difference lies in how we use that information, and how well we're able to access the information what we need when we need it. And so, you know, I, I'm so lucky that I am so passionate about the brain, because literally, we all have one. And what I found is that it doesn't matter what industry it is, or what you do for a living. We all want to our brains to work at optimum capacity.

Margarita Gurri: 6:26

Well, so if I wanted to be a bad boss, what would I do that and maximizes it minimizes the brain?

Unknown: 6:37

Oh, okay. Well, if you wanted to be a bad boss, um, I think the number one thing to do to really undermine the intelligence of your people and the creativity, not just intelligence, but the creativity, the problem solving collaboration, because let's face it, none, not one person in your organization will know everything. And the organizations that really rock are the organizations that know how to create teams of teams, right, because if you think about the org chart, the traditional pyramid shaped org chart, one person at the top, and then there's a couple more, and then like all the little people are at the bottom, in that traditional model, learning starts at the top and it trickles down. But it doesn't go the other way. In teams of teams, everybody's a learner, and everybody's a teacher. And those are the kinds of organizations that really value the strengths and contributions that people bring to the table. So the, in order to do that, there has to be a certain level of psychological safety. And I've just, I just wrote a white paper on psychological safety in the virtual workplace, because now that we're in this very kind of weird hybrid, some people are back in the office, and some people are saying remote. Those leaders who are really paying attention to how do you meet the emotional needs and the psychological needs of your people? Those are the those are the organizations that are really thriving.

Margarita Gurri: 8:18

And where do we find this paper? I have not read that one.

Unknown: 8:21

It is on my research, it's on the resources page on my website.

Margarita Gurri: 8:25

So all right, I will look it up. Um,

Unknown: 8:29

well, you know, psychological safety is is in it fits into Maslow's hierarchy of needs. We learned about Maslow 102 years ago. And what we know is that we need to, we need to belong, we need to feel like we belong, to be able to contribute. And in order for us to feel like we belong, we have to know that we're not going to be ridiculed, or embarrassed or ostracized for asking questions, or making mistakes, for not knowing answers, and for challenging the status quo. So you know, innovation, take any company that's interested in innovation, innovation is all about challenging the status quo, like that is innovation. But if you're in a company, where you're not allowed, you know, the seven most expensive words in the business is this is the way we've always done it. And if you if you are not working with if leaders are not looking at their people and saying, oh my gosh, help me understand how we can do this better, instead of saying, This is how we do it. And there are so many leaders out here out there who say here, let me show you how we do it. Instead of saying, let me ask you to come share feedback. But is there a better way to do this? I mean, what strengths and skills do you bring to the table that we didn't have before for you, you know, that's like kind of the big thing like, you hire the best and the brightest people. But if you don't create the conditions for them to be the best and the brightest in your organization, did you really hire the best and the brightest people? Or are you just paying them to be quiet, if they don't have the psychological safety, to really contribute, and sometimes that contribution is not what the leader wants to hear, sometimes that contribution is, hey, leader, we've got an information sharing problem here, we could improve productivity, let me tell you about the challenges in my employee experience so that we can fix it for everyone. Because if I'm having these challenges, and it's a process, or you know, a procedural thing within the organization, probably lot of other people are having that problem as well. So those folks who view the organization as having a development mindset, or a growth mindset, they're always they're not threatened by, hey, let's fix this problem. Those folks that are all about the genius mindset, they don't want to hear the problems, they only want to hear what's working. And if they only want to hear what's working, they're never going to fix anything that's not

Yonason Goldson: 11:23

one of those famous teachings of the sages is who is wise person who learns from every person. And I know there are some people that we only learn from through counterexample on a more positive note, everybody, I forget who says this, everybody knows something you don't. And particularly when we are in a collective, and we presumably have the same mission, and we have the same goals, and the willingness, the the the intellectual humility, to say, there are things I don't know. And I'm perfectly happy to let someone else be my teacher. Mm hmm. And we teach each other. And then we create a culture of constant growth and constant learning. And by the way, Doctor, I have to compliment you on your question. The question was, what do you do to be a bad leader? You know, we're always here. What do you do to be good leader? I mean, how many? How many articles have been this is an article? Um, yeah, it's good to know what works, that sometimes it's even more important than what doesn't work. Mm hmm. And what am I doing to that, I think is actually a defensible technique of leadership. That, in fact, is sabotaging my whole project.

Unknown: 12:50

Yeah, I mean, it's so true. I, when you think about any problem, the best organizations have issues and problems and wrinkles and snags. It's just, that's if they're learning and growing and stretching, they're going to have problems and issues and snags, right. But if if an employee goes to a leader and says, Hey, there's a problem with the way we're doing this, and that leader shuts the employee down. Now, that problem is nothing is only an obstacle. But if the employee takes the problem to the leader and says, Hey, there's a problem with way we're doing this, it's impeding our productivity, there's a better way we can do this. And the leader says, let's talk about that. Let's have a conversation about that. Now, it's not an obstacle. Now, it's a challenge to solve. Right? And when we feel challenged, I mean, the brain loves challenge. When we feel challenged, the prefrontal cortex loves it, it's like, give me more give me more, right, there's that sweet spot between not challenging enough is boring, too challenging is frustrating, but the Goldilocks Rule just challenging enough we are held on right. And and when when leaders actually listen to employees when they raise their hand and say there's a problem and when people feel like they're seen and heard and valued for sharing that experience with leaders now it's a challenge. And and when we view it as a challenge, now we can put our best problem solving skills to use but until then, it's that um, avoidable obstacle can't get around it. And what happens is, you just figure out how to bypass it. You don't ever solve the problem. You just keep working harder to work around it. And yeah,

Margarita Gurri: 14:50

alright, so it seems like the brain so far you said it, it needs belonging, psychological safety, which is part of it. Helping the mind set, you know, for the growth mindset, which I think you articulate very well the growth mindset, which shall have you addressed that in a second. What else is the brain love? Let's say we want to help our team grow. Give me an idea, what can we do to feed our brains and those of anyone in our sphere of living.

Unknown: 15:22

So in, you know, in the teachers out there, your teacher listeners know this, the best way to enable a student to learn something is to task them with teaching it. Because you cannot teach something you don't know. So the best thing a leader can do if they really want to inspire building collective intelligence and get to the best of every every person is number one, people need to know that what they do matters. That's number one. Number two, people need to know that what they do is valuable. And the best way to create value is to say, share that thing you do with someone else, teach others how to do that thing you do. And one of the biggest downfalls of so many organizations who have very toxic work cultures is the learning starts at the top, and it trickles down to the bottom. And the people at the bottom never get to teach up. Right? When if you build that kind of learning community where the expectation, not just the opportunity, the expectation is that we all teach, and we all learn. What that means is the people at the top do not have all the answers, they do not have all the information, they do not have all the wisdom and the people at the bottom, their sole job is not just to learn what the people at the top are telling them to learn. Write a building a learning community says the expectation is that we all contribute. And we're all recognized for the different contributions that we make. And I think the best leaders look for that we talk about diversity and inclusion, the best leaders look for diverse contributions. Because you know, if I can come to the team and say, Rabbi, no one ever figured out how to do that before your brilliant like, oh, my gosh, all this time, we've been doing it like this other way in here, you come along with us. And I say that in front of your peers. Well, now I just made a huge investment in your social status. And the brain loves that, to me, remember, the brain can't differentiate between a social threat and a physical threat. So if we feel that our social status is threatened in front of our peers, which is very hard, very difficult, because we all want to be competent and confident, and we want people to think that we can do our jobs. And when that is threatened in front of our peers, the brain treats it exactly the same way as if we were being chased by a tiger.

Yonason Goldson: 18:05

Exactly useful to know, because we tend to negate the legitimacy of emotional responses. Mm hmm. And if I think well, I'm not entitled to be feeling this way. Then I just suppress my myself. And and the, the issue just stays inside me. And festers. If I recognize it's a legitimate response, well, then okay, now somebody needs needs attention. Now, you touched on one of my real bugaboos that diversity is not just about checking boxes, now. It's about diverse perspectives. Because we come from different orientations, different cultures, different mindsets. And together, we can get closer to that 360 perspective, that allows us to really have a fuller understanding. But if we're just trying to have representation, but as our as our friend Helen Trumbull says people hire for diversity, and then they they manage for sameness. Or we're, it's almost worse, because we've we've included all these people, and now we're not really including, right, or we're not giving them the opportunity to contribute. You know, one of my rabbis said that, we all say it's better to give than to receive. If we actually believe that, then what's the greatest gift you can give? Someone else has the opportunity to give, right? And that's so empowering and so and so exciting, and as you say, gives people that sense of value and contribution.

Unknown: 19:44

Yeah, in the very beginning of the pandemic, I did some work with some organizations and in the hospitality industry, and they were really struggling with their people because, you know, we're open we're close. We're 50% capacity. We're we're 25% Good. Passing or whatever, right? And, and then there started to be work, supply chain issues and all of those other things. And so what was happening was the stress of the unknown was becoming much more dangerous than the stress of the actual pandemic. And people were had, they were at a loss of control, there was no part of their life that they could actually control. I mean, that was really hard on all of us. Like we couldn't control what work look like for a lot of people, they lost their jobs. For a lot of people, they were doing their job at home, with the dogs and the kids and the landscapers outside, and the whatever, whatever, right. But one of the things I told them was, if you want to give your people, the best thing you can do for your people, is to give them something to do to help, whether it's come in and we're going to take the next week, we're closed, we're going to, we're going to scrub up the walk in coolers, whatever it is, right? And they looked at me and they were like, well, those people don't want to come in. And I said, Yeah, they do, they want to contribute. Because when we contribute, we feel like we have a sense of control, we feel like we have an ownership over the situation. So to own the situation, we have to not only own the solutions, but we have to own the problems. And a lot of times what leaders do is they take that problem solving piece out of the hands of the employees and say we're gonna make all these decisions over here about things that impact the way you do your job. Well, that

Margarita Gurri: 21:39

that doesn't work.

Unknown: 21:42

It doesn't work at all right? And but if you want people to have an ownership over the organization and the goals, then you can't have that half way do that, you have to do that. Right, you have to let them own it all on the problems on the solutions on the conversations, and let them be a part of the decision making.

Margarita Gurri: 22:07

So one thing that I loved about your TEDx talk, the whole thing about being a fraud. All of us, three of us here, and many in the audience have been dealing with organizations and leaders and teams that have already gotten into the negative thinking that maybe they were excellent as an organization, maybe they weren't. But now they're festering in this negativity, you address that negative festering in a very positive way. explaining it then provides solutions, if you wouldn't mind giving us a top level explanation of, of what you said in your lovely Ted, TED Talk.

Unknown: 22:44

Well, I I'm going to try to hit on what I think you're talking about. But you know, are we are wired for negativity that is an ancestral hammy now. So because we were constantly we're constantly on the alert for danger back in the caveman days. That is what enabled us to survive another day. We were not, you know, blissfully basking in the beauty of the great outdoors, we were truly looking for danger. That's the other reason why belonging is such a strong need for us. Because people who belong to the tribe survived, the people who are on their own had a much harder time. So we are wired to connect with one another. So that is just a natural place for us to be where our, our brain always produces cortisol, which is our stress hormone. And that's a good thing, because that is what prevents us from walking out into the middle of traffic. Right? It's what keeps us alive. It is also what keeps us kind of on the alert for people, we trust people we don't trust, friend or foe. Right. And and I think what happens when we get in these spaces where it's all negative, or negative, there's a vicious cycle and there's a virtual cycle. The vicious cycle, is the brain loves patterns. And so when you get stuck in that vicious cycle, like you wake up in the morning, and you go, this is going to be the worst day ever. I can just tell. And you get up and it's raining and then you spill coffee on your blouse. And then you can't find a parking spot and you forgot your umbrella. See all of these things. If you get up and you start your day in the virtuous cycle, this is going to be the best day ever. Oh my gosh, look, it's raining. I don't have to water my plants today. That's awesome, right? Do more bad things happen on those days that we noticed them? No, we just noticed that we're you know, I mean, we are not looking for the good things. So we really need to pay attention to where we're placing our energy. And when we get in that space Use words negative, negative negative, think it's really important to stop and go. In terms of imposter syndrome, these are all things I'm telling myself, these are all negative things I'm telling myself. And that's when you have to stop and say, would I talk to anyone else? The way I'm talking to myself right now, in these negative terms, and if not, if I can honestly say, No, I would never talk to another person this way. That is, when I have to go, Okay, it's time for me to stop the vicious cycle and jump into the virtuous cycle. And the only way to do that is through intention, intentionally creating some good positive thing in your world. And the easiest way to do that is to show gratitude to someone else, your brain actually gets more of the good stuff, when you show appreciation to some other person than they get

Yonason Goldson: 25:55

the Hebrew word for gratitude in Saqqara, Sato, which translates literally as recognized the good because if we pay attention, and we look at and for the good in our lives, then the natural response is gratitude. And that does promote that that virtuous circle that you're describing, you know, I learned something recently, that has just really changed my outlook, and in a very significant way, that the way our brains are designed, as I understand it, that we can't absorb all of the visual impulses that are coming at us. There's just way too much coming in, we would overload. So we are our subconscious filters out what the subconscious has decided, is important. And, and if we develop the habits, where we're focused on negative things, we're literally not seeing the positive. And if we are, if we've disciplined ourselves, to take note of the positive than the negative, doesn't appear on our radar screen. So it's really a very deep process. And I'm sure you can explain this better than I am. That we're, we're actually creating our own mood. Based upon the experience that's guiding our subconscious selective perception process,

Unknown: 27:31

you actually explained that like spot on fam, that you did a great job with that I can tell you the science part of that is it's called the reticular activation system. And I refer to it as the brain's bouncer, you know, the bouncer at the bar, who's decides whether you get to get in or not, whether you're on the a list or not. We have one of those in our brains, and we tell the brain what we're looking for. Right? And then so it's like, Have you ever thought I'm gonna buy that? Oh, I'm thinking about buying that little red car? And then all of a sudden, you see that little red car everywhere? Yes. Is it that there are more red cars on the road? No, the same amount of cars are on the road. It's just your, you've told your brains bouncer that you're going to let that in, because that's relevant to you right now. So to your point, if if you're all you're looking for is the negative wallet, the brain is going to let all the negative in. And we can only we can only process so much when it's when the inbox is full. All the positives. Think of all the good things that we never noticed, because we're not looking for them. And think about it like that. And you go, Oh, well, all I have to do is look for them. It's really that it's really that simple. I mean, it's science and it's your brain at work. And yeah, it's that simple, kind of cool.

Margarita Gurri: 29:01

At home being refugees. I was always around people who lost a lot and my parents had a very different take on it, they would appreciate your take two years to Rabbi. And so we're complainants, something, my mother would come up, give us a big kiss, and he's AK away, you know, now you have a chance to not only be grateful, but your Jesus wants you to find a good. What's your next step? And I'm thinking that's kind of good there, you know. So maybe it's time now let's begin the next step. By Do you have the word of the day and then we'll come back to our good doctor. And we'll ask her for two things, the fun and the final words of wisdom rabbi?

Yonason Goldson: 29:47

Well, I've been a little distracted in this interview because I came up with four words of the day and I couldn't decide which one and as we were having a conversation I kept away from this one, but that one, the other one. I think the one I've decided to bring up is the word a dump vertiv a dombret, a dump vertiv which means serving to foreshadow or being faintly indicative. Never heard of. neither had I. But of course, what's the point of words that we've heard up before? Let's expand our vocabulary. But I think I think you know, Melissa, what you were just explaining that idea of having a talk about growth mindset, having a foreshadowing, mindset. And really we have on whether we, whether we are aware of it or not, we are foreshadowing our experiences based on our expectations. And based on our self talk, and based on our habits that we've gotten into one of the the great Hasidic figures of the past. He, his name is Ruby Ridge Xisha. And some students ask their their their rabbi, you know, we don't understand how is it possible to bless the bad so we'll go ask her a position as they travel to see rosacea. And they said, you know, realization Oh, repositioning position he's such a poor man, he's suffering terribly. And oh, ribs Isha he is he has all kinds of health problems, and he's in pain. And Rosie, she has family problems. And they finally found a physician. And they asked him their question, how do you say a blessing on bad? He says, Well, why are you asking me? Nothing bad ever happened to me. And it's not meant the story is not meant to delegitimize suffering, because there is genuine suffering in the world. But it does show us how we have much more control over our outlook, and our responses than we might like to think. And that so being a dumb vertiv is is to foreshadow, let's let's find a positive expectation, and an outlook that is going to lead to more of a of a positive experience for us. That's awesome.

Margarita Gurri: 32:11

I love it. That's awesome. So let's start with what is one fun thing, that you're looking forward to a new adventure, something interesting, fun, exciting.

Unknown: 32:22

I am just several, maybe two weeks in I am writing a new book. And it is a different book. I'm very excited about this one. It is a goal setting goal getting journal for kids, ages 12 to 20. And the whole concept is a lot of kids have a very difficult time setting and reaching goals because that mountain seems so big, until you go What can you just take one step, maybe you can just take one more step. And so the whole concept of this book is teaching kids, young adults how to take that big goal and break it down into smaller goals. Because one of the things that I have learned, and in my little life is that, you know, those people who are really successful, are able to set and reach goals. And it's not that we are thinking too big. It's that we're not thinking small enough when we don't reach them to take that great big goal or goal and break it down into smaller chunks. So I'm super excited about that.

Margarita Gurri: 33:35

I can't wait to read that. That's exciting. I, I know some 60 year olds who might benefit from this, you know, everyone's been doing that. And how about one final word of wisdom piece of advice, some sort of call to action? I would

Unknown: 33:55

say I don't know, this has been such a great conversation. I could go on with you guys for another hour or so

Margarita Gurri: 34:01

what's been interesting and fun. Yes. Yeah, just

Unknown: 34:03

just kind of, you know, in thinking about all the things we talked about, I guess my piece of advice would be you know, pay attention to the limited resources in your life. And I don't mean, the material things, the tangible things like limited resources like attention, time, energy, because how you spend your time and energy and where you place your attention has a direct impact on the rewards of your life. So you know, pay attention to how you're spending those resources and spend wisely.

Yonason Goldson: 34:37

I love that Melissa because I really think that being able to set priorities is a key to success and happiness. We all have way more demands on us and we could possibly meet and being able to filter out the ones that are less important and give our attention to the ones that are more important important in In an objective value way? Absolutely, that really is going to give us that sense of fulfillment and achieved purpose. Thank you for joining us, please come back again and talk to us. We'd love to continue the conversation.

Unknown: 35:15

I would love to thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure, wish you success

Yonason Goldson: 35:19

in all your efforts. And Dr. What's the last word today,

Margarita Gurri: 35:22

and that add that on the last word besides go to Melissa Hughes dot rocks, R O CK is one thing that all of us have experienced in the teams and individuals with whom we've had the opportunity to coach or train or speak to and keynotes is, I think, when we're scared, I think sometimes the tendency is to hold on. So we stay in a job that is no longer suiting our needs, we forget that our values are important to our positive sense of self. And we may accept changes to the quality of those values, in our friends in our workplaces, and our leaders and even our own approach. And I think this is a great do over. So let's do what the good doctor Hughes suggests, look for the positive. If there's something negative look for the positive focus on that. And if you can't turn it around, maybe it's time to make some changes in what we do. That let's not let fear be anything but an inspiration for growth. And stop holding on. I always have that image of Homer Simpson reaching into the Coke machine. And he gets the Coke, but he can't pull it out because he's holding on. And I get that image for all of us from time to time. So let go of the thing that's no longer serving you well, and look for the positive. It's an a number to give the foreshadowing of the positive. Did I use that right Rabat?

Yonason Goldson: 36:55

I think so. Well.

Margarita Gurri: 37:00

I have no idea of I used it right? But we're trying to set an atmosphere here of growth, we risk falling flat on our faces so that we can enjoy the smell of the earth. Well, that is my thought. Thank you, Dr. Hughes, for being with us. It's really amazing. I hope everyone gets to learn from you. And I wish you well and all your new adventures as you change the world one positive thought at a time. Thank you very much. My pleasure, everyone be well. Thanks for joining the rabbi and the shrink. We'll see you the next episode.

Unknown: 37:37

Thank you for listening to the rabbi and the shrink everyday ethics unscripted to book Dr. Red Shoe Dr. Margarita gooery or Rabbi Unison Goldson as speakers or advisors for your organization. Contact them at the rabbi and the shrink.com. This has been a doctor Red Shoe production