1:00 The last refuge of the unethical is “it’s not illegal”
The last refuge of the gossiper is “but it’s true” -- if it’s not true, it’s slander
The purpose of speech is to connect with others, and gossip uses speech to divide people and tear them apart
The biblical prohibition against gossip
4:00 Pope Francis: gossip tastes like candy but is poison: it denies the G-dliness in others
6:00 Different types of gossip cause different types of damage
How Aaron the High Priest used speech to bring people together
7:30 When good speech can be used to cause harm
Emo-terrorists and saboteurs
10:00 Guard Your Tongue by Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan
How much damage seemingly benign comments may cause
Negative speech must have some wider benefit
13:00 Complaining vs constructive criticism
Avoid the sense of entitlement that leads to complaining and gossip
15:00 The Hebrew for “gratitude” translates literally as “recognize the good” -- the key to happiness
16:00 Say what you need to say in a way that opens hearts, minds, and conversations
17:30 We try to make ourselves feel better about myself by tearing others down
Better to build myself up, but it’s easier to destroy than to build
If you feel unworthy, maybe you are: now what will you do about it?
20:00 Our “origin stories” make us who we are, but don’t exempt us from responsibility for our actions
23:00 Compassion is responding to a need: refined kindness, which is unfiltered giving
We all take turns between being amazing and awful
25:00 Reacting is easier than thinking
The sages teach: don’t speak ill of inanimate objects -- avoid behaviors that promote bad habits
27:00 We set higher standards for others than for ourselves, when we should do the opposite; but if we set standards too high then we set ourselves up for failure
Ethics requires grappling with contradictions
Often we don’t believe in our own value
29:00 The qualities of ETHICS
Empathy, Trustworthiness, Humility, Inquisitiveness, Courage, Self-discipline
32:00 The contrast between highs and lows allows for the experience of happiness
33:00 The four steps to avoid gossip
35:00 Make a cost-benefit analysis before you speak
37:00 The tongue and the lips: not everything that can be said should be said
38:00 Remembering Rabbi Abraham Twerski
Drugs are poison and should be thrown in the garbage. Why do you think you are a proper receptacle for them?
40:00 We don’t have to like ourselves; we have to know that we were created the way we are for a reason and a purpose.
42:00 A change of environment can help us transform ourselves; a new sense of self-image can help us reidentify as better versions of ourselves
45:00 Gossip is a form of bullying
“The tyranny of the majority" and the fallacy of utilitarianism.
The platinum rule
48:00 Word of the day: petulant
Don’t indulge the impulse to complain and whine; an ethical mindset is a positive outlook
51:00 The head of the high court said he grew up among the sages and never found anything better for a person than silence
Don’t be afraid of silence
Think ahead to ask people about themselves