#25: David E. Marlow - Find Purpose, Find Life

How does sustainability apply to us as individuals as well as the world?
How do we find it in ourselves to forgive ourselves and forgive others?
How do quirks and idiosyncrasies forge us into more compete and healthy people?

These and many other secrets for self-development are answered when the Ikigai Guy David E. Marlow joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidemarlow/

https://www.linkedin.com/company/vluru/


1:00 What is Ikigai = Japanese for life + purpose

Living out the essence of you in everything you do

3:30 What is a leader?  Someone who enables and empower others to fulfill their potential in a way that betters the world

Happiness emerges from a sense of working toward the fulfillment of purpose

5:00  How do you find your ikigai

Reflect on moments when you felt fulfilled

Visit your values, verbs, and verses

7:00 The five pillars include:

Choose to be grateful; we control our attitudes

Making a conscious choice to live in the moment

Forgive the past and yourself

10:00 Monotask: start somewhere small and work outward

Multitasking doesn’t work

Embrace the gift of small beginnings

Being busy as an excuse for not being productive

18:00 How do we forgive people who cause us pain and don’t ask for forgiveness?

First forgive yourself

Forgive without recovering trust

The harm we do ourselves by not forgiving

23:00 Without human integrity we disintegrate

Harmony and sustainability in how we live completes us so we can live healthy lives

By integrating our values into our mindset and behavior we become people of integrity

26:00 What are the five pillars?

Being present in the moment

Starting small

Joy of little things (gratitude)

Harmony and sustainability

Releasing yourself through forgiveness and reflection

We strive to uncover our essence

30:00 Shalom = harmony = all the pieces are in place and fuse into integration

The seven levels of spiritual maturity and completion

The conductor is the most important player in the orchestra

34:00  Blend your idiosyncrasies with your talents to become your best unique self

You don’t have to change yourself; you have to uncover who you truly are

38:00 Word of the Day: diapason

Originally, the organ stop that releases steam to produce sound

Now a burst of force that produces music 

Our ideal is to release our inner music

40:00 When we seek treasure, what will we do if we find it?

43:00 Post-interview conversation

Transcript

Margarita Gurri: 0:04

Welcome, everyone to the rabbi and the shrink. This is Dr. Margarita Guri. Dr. Red shoe. And this is my favorite Rabbi

Yonason Goldson: 0:13

Yonason Goldson.

Margarita Gurri: 0:16

And we are delighted today to have David Marlowe, the Iki. Guy guy. Welcome, sir. Thank you for having me. Excited to be here. Well, and we have just to start off, tell us about the Iki. Guy guy. We love that title.

David Marlowe: 0:31

Oh, yeah. So after 30 years of leading company wide transformations at fortune 500 companies and serving senior leadership roles, executive roles, that kind of thing. I'd helped over 1000 people, and businesses find fulfillment in their careers and their lives and products through my coaching. And, and, and throughout that I saw this common thread. And it was in the midst of my own career transition, that I was able to put a name to the practice that I had been engaging in all along and helping people find their purpose. And it's a key guy. And I've created a process and framework around a key guy to help people and businesses uncover their purpose and bring that into their lives. And so that's, that's what I do. I use the word. I'm sorry, Rabbi. Yeah, there's the word origins. The origins, it's a Japanese combination word. And the literal translation is two words combined together. That means life purpose or a reason for for living. And really goes much deeper, like a lot of Japanese words, it's got a lot of complexities and layers and whatnot to it. And your achy guy, is your purpose, your reason for getting up in the morning. It's a nice, simple way to understand it. But it's in living into that purpose. And having that unique expression of you, your gifts, your passions, your skills, your place and opportunity to impact the world. And what you spend your time doing, that's when you're living into your ego. And that's really the expression of it. It's, it's much more than I always say it's its purpose over profession. It's not your profession. It's not your hobbies. It's the living out that real essence of you in everything that you do.

Margarita Gurri: 2:15

And is it too personal a question, sir, to ask you. What is your EQ guy?

David Marlowe: 2:20

No, not at all. I'd love to answer that. So mine is to encourage, empower and enable people to live into their into their purpose. Some people joked with me that isn't that like your purpose is to help purpose? And I said, Yeah, it's like, it's like an EP guy. inception. Right? met it in a dream within a dream, right? Yeah. But that's always been when you when I think back over over my career, and I've had a very, very varied career starting with, I was in radio and TV, when I was I was 16 years old was in commercial radio, I was a sergeant and as a sergeant in the Marine Corps, I was an engineer working on RF and medical equipment and transition to engineering in a different specialty. And it then became an executive and so forth, and coached my daughter's eighth grade basketball team to a national championship, I felt these things. at each point along the line where I was the most alive where I was, where I was doing the most good was when I was connecting people, to helping them be all that they were meant to be. And so that, that's where, you know, my he guy, it was expressed in manifest a lot of different ways. But that was the common thread that, that I could see, as I reflected back over my career.

Yonason Goldson: 3:37

I really like that. Because when when, when I'm asked about what is leadership? My answer is that a leader is one who empowers and enables others to fulfill fulfill their individual potential in a way that benefits the world. Because ultimately, and this is coming from, from very deep Jewish teaching, that the root of happiness is purpose fulfilled. When we feel that we're doing what we are meant to do. And we're doing it well. And we're doing it in a way that is extending its it's transcending us, and connecting us with the rest of the world with those around us community. Now, there is no greater feeling. It is the greatest source of joy, the greatest sense of self fulfillment. And it sounds to me that's exactly what you're describing.

David Marlowe: 4:32

It's in total alignment. Yeah, absolutely. It's that it's like the ultimate state of flow. Right. You are, you're just in it. And yeah, complete fulfillment. Yeah, I love that. I love that rabbi. That's a great definition.

Margarita Gurri: 4:47

So the question that I have is, what can our listeners do to find their Iki guy? I've read some of your stuff the rabbi has, we've had some very exciting conversation. About your writing. So how do we find our Iki? Guy? Yeah.

David Marlowe: 5:05

So if you, if you google e guy, you'll often find the Venn diagram. And that's where it talks about the intersection of what you're passionate about what you're good at what the world needs, and what they're willing to pay for. And I'll often use that with coaching clients to help them kind of dig into it. The challenge with that is it's focused on the career. And that's not really what ultimately, we want you to do. So my, my advice for anyone just wanting to start off is start reflecting on when were you at. So we'll go back to what the rabbi was described, when were you at a moment, when you just felt fulfilled, when you were in that state of flow, when you were doing the things that you felt you were meant to do. And spending some time reflecting on that. And using you can use the Venn diagram as well to define those things that you've been very good at, or that I hesitate to link it too much to like your childhood dreams, like I want to be an astronaut, right. And if I were to reflect on that, I didn't really want to be an astronaut, I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to discover new things I wanted to learn, I wanted to do those things. So it's it's a matter of reflecting in that way. And what I always like to do is encourage people to visit visit their values, so values verbs, and and versus what I call it. And so spend some time, what are those things that that you really value? What are your values? What are the verbs, if you were to pick some verbs out, like mine was encouraged, enable and empower? What are those verbs that's, that really speak to the things you are energized by doing. And then coming up with a verse, which is just a working EQ guy, where you can where you can share that because just by being able to tell you, my EQ guy, you already have a better understanding of what I'm about, and you can support me better and in that. So those are, those are the kind of broad steps that that I do with folks to to help find it.

Yonason Goldson: 7:16

One of the things I saw on your, on your writings is that you the five pillars of the game, they like to examine them all. But the first one really resonated with me. Because to summarize it, it's it's the way you phrase it to decide to be grateful to decide to experience your today. And you know, we talked about mindfulness, but that's become so much of a catchword. The idea that attitude is a choice. That in Hebrew, the word for gratitude, it translates literally as recognize the good. Because when you recognize what's good, the natural response is gratitude. And when we're grateful for what we have, we appreciate our lives so much more, we don't become fixated on the problems or the difficulties. And and it simply, it frames the world in a way that makes it possible for us to be at the top of our game much more often. So I'm going to let you develop the idea from there if you would,

David Marlowe: 8:31

yeah. I love that you brought that up the five pillars are really those, those things that when you're when you're really embracing when you're embracing the thought of eg guy and living into your fullness, being in the here now is the is the specific one you were talking about and, and making that conscious choice to be present, and to be accepting, and I love, I love the way you describe gratitude means it's looking for the good and accepting the moment that we're in. And really just being in it completely. I mean, we spend so much of our time in the future, or in the past. And we don't live there we live here in the future is often your hopes and ambitions. The past is often regrets and so to your to your point I shared the other day to forgive right. Take a moment of forgiveness, forgive, forgive the past, forgive yourself and be in that moment of presence and gratitude that you're here and now and letting those things that have come before go. That just it's as you said, the only way you can really and truly be present and and you're right mindfulness has taken on some some connotations and maybe go behind beyond the most valuable aspects of it. But definitely the the idea that you're you're in the here and now you're grateful and you're making those conscious choices decide to be that

Margarita Gurri: 10:01

The five pillars. The one that hit me the most was mano task. And the idea of starting small and growing from there, my father, when we would be paralyzed with an activity because we weren't, didn't feel up to a task, you could say that perfection is that perfectionism is the enemy of completion. And this mono tasking, I think, is a great antidote, just start somewhere. You coined that term tell us about that's a great term.

David Marlowe: 10:34

Sure. So I work most of my career in and around productivity and efficiency programs. And a lot of people believed that multitasking was one of the ways that we could get to, to efficiency, when in reality, we, our brains won't even computers, people talk about computer's processing several things, computers actually stopped working on one thing, work on another for a second, and back and forth, you can't see that. And they don't have the cognitive load that we do as a result of that. But it's the same, it's the same idea. And being, it's not unlike what Rob and I were just talking about, if you're trying to do work on one thing, but you're thinking about the next thing you're working on, and you're juggling 10 different things, you're not in the present, you're not focused, and you're not able to do your very best on the one thing that you should be working on. And so yes, mono tasking is my, my answer, it's the new new thing, right? It's the new black. If people can, can go on one, one task. And you also mentioned starting small. So I encourage people, especially when, when they're trying to make a change, or when they're trying to do anything, is to embrace the gift of small beginnings, embrace that opportunity to do something small and free. Right. So let's say you wanted to write a while I'll share about my my posts, many times, I'll sit and look at the screen and want to write something and I want to write the greatest post that ever in the history of mankind, right. And when you feel that way, you're all tight, you can't do. And so I always give myself permission to start small, or to start at less than perfection. Because perfection is a lie, I completely agree. And I will literally tell myself, I give myself a type it give myself permission to type a terrible paragraph. And I'm okay with that. And I will type that in. And by doing that, I start the process, I get some momentum I start to I start to write. And it allows me to be free just to say stuff. And to get going. Because it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't. It's literally I have permission to write a terrible paragraph. So I'm totally free to write whatever comes to me. And that always starts for me always starts the the motion and then to be focused on the one task. That is that frees our our minds to fully embrace that moment, as well as, as all of our resources into it. We're not thinking about the 10 emails, we've got to answer later, we're not thinking about the phone call, or the milk, we have to pick up on the way home from work or any of the other things. Sorry, we are truly committed to that one, that one thing and that one moment. And that again, is is the ultimate opportunity for us to express ourselves into that.

Margarita Gurri: 13:36

I think that's brilliant. I asked our listeners, what was their Iki guy, and we had a response from my friend Sue, creating a solution for problems, creating a strategy to bridge the gaps between the current and desired status, whether it's business or personal. She's more interested in the journey, analyzing the situation. And she loves seeing a design solution actually work. She says that her software engineers, she's inventor, software engineers always tell her the opposite of perfect is done, which I think goes to that to what you were just saying and with what the rabbi was saying as well.

David Marlowe: 14:19

Yeah, well, that's a beautiful one. Yeah. Does she can you ask her she gets a chance to live that out in in the majority of her life.

Margarita Gurri: 14:28

I'm gonna allow her to talk soup. Voice woman voice I did. Yes, I actually had the pleasure of being able to do that much of my life. I was self employed for the first 20 years and then worked in a major cruise line for pretty much the last 20 years and and I was privileged to be recognized as someone that had a contribution that was a bit out of the ordinary and was basically given rains to do that. And so when, when problems surface that kind of traditional methodology and normal, the normal people that work there could not seem to crack they, they turn some loose on it and lock me in a room and let me do my thing. And it was a privilege. It was an absolute privilege.

David Marlowe: 15:18

Yeah. Wow, that what a blessing does that is wonderful to hear. I'm excited for you. Thank you.

Margarita Gurri: 15:25

And I don't know if you see in the chat, she said she agrees with you, David. I'm never apologize for not being a good multitasker. Because I think there's a weird pride in people saying they're multitaskers, which to me, never made any sense. But I don't always see things the way other people do. But I think that she's on team, David Marlowe. So

David Marlowe: 15:47

that's good. Okay. There's one other bit of an illusion, isn't it? It is, yeah, it can't be done. It's been, it's been proven in studies that we, we literally don't multitask, right? And, and there's a huge cognitive load, that causes delay. So if you were to work, let's say you were doing, you know, three different tasks, and each one had three different elements to it, you switch from one to the other, now you've delayed 2020 seconds to 20 minutes, that depends on on the kind of switching you're doing. And instead of finishing all three of those, you know, an hour is more like three or four hours, even though you feel like you're doing all this work. The other thing is, it's, again, it's been proven, you can't do it. So why do we feel like we we want to do that. And part of it is, it is sometimes much easier to tell ourselves, we're really busy. And I'm checking all these emails, and I'm doing all these things in the face the work that we have to do, or to face, maybe some personal things, or other things, it's like, if we're so busy and so confused, we're not really and again, back to being in the moment, and being aware of what really needs to be done, or what we really need to deal with. I had a offline conversation with someone after the mono tasking posts the other day. And, and that's really what what she came to is that she's kind of avoiding thinking about certain things by answering email, and, you know, leaving voicemails and doing a bunch of things all at one time, not really facing the reality that she needs to face. And it caused her to pause and realize that was what she was using multitasking. For. The others, I do think there's just go ahead.

Yonason Goldson: 17:29

I was gonna say I think it goes back to a point you were making earlier about sitting down and writing, which I can relate to perfectly because I do have a stack of the same thing. Giving you said use phrases giving yourself permission to write a bad paragraph, I immediately thought in terms of forgiving myself, for writing a bad paragraph, and with the multitasking to is forgiving myself for not doing more than the one thing I'm doing. Because it feels like I should be doing other things. And if you could, I'd really like to move into the discussion about forgiveness. Because it's something I struggle with. I'm pretty good at forgiving myself. Maybe too good. But you know, philosophically. I mean, forgiveness is a huge component in Jewish thought. I mean, the Day of Atonement, the High Holidays are all about forgiveness. And if somebody comes to me and says, I did something wrong, please forgive me and I feel they're sincere. I have no problem trouble forgiving them. If they don't come to me, I have a lot of trouble. And you know, there there are people that are living friend rent free in my head. Because of things that they've done, that still bothered me now. Now there's, you know, there's if you if you feel betrayed by someone, if you feel seriously wronged by someone I mean, that's that's, that's pain. And pain doesn't go away just because you will get to go away. So do you have any insights on I know, it's better for me to forgive? And to let go? I know that. And yet I'm not successful in doing that. Do you? Can you address a strategy and approach for actually forgiving people?

David Marlowe: 19:29

Sure. I'm so glad you asked me about this very easy topic to talk about. Yeah, actually, please forgive me that. I will do later later on. The so I want to address it from two angles, one. So I'll go to Christian scripture which talks about if you don't forgive others, you can't be forgiven. Right? If you And I used to see that almost as not, not a literal curse, but but like, like a burden, right? I like a curse, like, Oh my gosh, if I don't do this, I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be forgiven. And what I have come to understand and a lot of is through the reflection in an aka guy is, I've got to come to a place where I can forgive my myself so that I can forgive others. Because if I come to a place where I understand that I need forgiveness, that I am worthy of forgiveness, that we all do things, and we all are in that same same framework, then I can forgive not only myself, but others, because it's like I went off the hook, I wouldn't be able to let it, let it go. So there's that. And then the other, I heard of an analogy wants, it really worked for me, because I struggled with the feelings, right? I wanted to forgive. But as you said, if you've been wronged, especially if you've been been seriously hurt by somebody may be close to you, or, or, or in some way, that's just a very deep hurt and wronged, you want to forgive them, but you still hold on or you still have feelings, you still that hurt might still be there. And the way it was explained to me that this worked for me, and perhaps it worked for for some view was if if someone has has taken your wallet and stolen your money, you can forgive them. And it's still forgiveness, if you don't put your wallet on the table in front of them alone again. Right? You know, have they have they come to a place where, you know, again, they've repented, they've said they're sorry, there's a level of trust that's broken in that. And that's another issue to deal with that that is outside of his the scope of forgiveness. So you can forgive, it may not immediately change or maybe in some cases ever. I mean, certainly some things people may or may not have done, you know, traumatic things and things like that, that that you wouldn't associate with them again. But understanding it in that way has helped me anyway. And then the value of it is if you're holding on to those things, you can't be present, you can't be in the here. And now you can't make those decisions to be fully in this moment. If you're still dwelling on those things. So that's where that the power of forgiveness for yourself, for others all comes into play. And those are those are some things that have helped me along the way.

Margarita Gurri: 22:36

That's wonderful. Which brings us to the pivotal question that our listeners are always asking, What does Iki guy have to do with ethics?

David Marlowe: 22:46

Oh, my goodness, what's the sneaky guy has to do that? I'm surprised that ethics came into play here today, given rabbis, rabbis participation here.

Margarita Gurri: 22:55

Well, the whole podcast is everyday ethics, unscripted, I created the podcast to further the discussion, especially in Americans, but globally, on the issue of everyday ethics.

David Marlowe: 23:08

Yeah. So one, one thing that I want to talk about from, from an integrity issue, going to ethics is rather than then integrity and the I can leave my wallet on the table in front of you kind of integrity is integration in ourselves and allowing ourselves to, to both understand the true nature that we have and our purpose. And all the things Rabbi shared earlier about the value of living into your purpose. And when we're not doing that, when we're not living in that integrated life. We're disintegrated right? In the integrity in that sense, is broken. So I love a quote from Liebowitz. She said, it's very psychically draining, not to be writing. I mean, if you're supposed to be writing, right? So if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, at each point, you're damaging your human integrity, right, the integral part of you. And so the connection of ego when you're living into your ego when you're living it out, in those places, when you're being in the here and now when you're starting small when you're taking the joy in the little things when you're when you're bringing that harmony and sustainability to your life. You're bringing that level of integrity, and you're respecting other people at that same level. And to me that strengthens both the requirement but also your desire to act ethically, to respect that other person at a deep at the deepest possible levels.

Yonason Goldson: 24:57

Well, what I love about these conversations is an unexpected new insight. I discovered a while back, Professor Steven Carter says that in integrity comes the word integer, which means an integer is a whole number. So to be whole, to be one with what one espouses, but for some reason my Nate mind never made the step that you just mentioned, David, which is to integrate, which is another formula word. And that, how do I become whole is by integrating, internalizing, absorbing all the truths to which I have access. And if I don't do that, then the natural result will be disintegration, which I think is something as this doctor, you mentioned, in starting the podcast, we witnessing a disintegration of our society of our culture of our politics, that needs to be reversed, which is why we're here. So thank you for that new way of understanding the word integrity, which I think is something that we can all benefit from.

Margarita Gurri: 26:09

Absolutely beautiful. Let's start by strengthening our E key guy under our understanding of our own E key guy, you've created these five pillars. And we've talked about two of them, if you wouldn't mind reviewing your five pillars, and then talking more about achieving our Iki guy like steps to take? Sure.

David Marlowe: 26:29

So speaking of integrity, I want to point out that Ken Mogi actually identified or pulled out the five pillars, and I have expanded on them and modified them slightly. But I want to make sure that that Ken gets due credit, or I did not create them. Thank you, Ken. And thank you, Marla, for your integrity. Sure. So they are and I'll just, I'll just recite them that being in here now. So being present, accepting the moment, starting small, embracing the gift of small beginnings, the joy of little things. So like that gratitude, the rabbi was talking about harmony and sustainability in the vise sustainability there. I don't mean like, like sustaining the earth by recycling that. But being at a point and engaging in such a way is you could continue to do that, and sustain that, and continue living that way. And balancing that harmony, that that's why it's not about your job. It's not about your hobbies, it's not about even your family and friends. It's, it's about living that, that integrated life. And then releasing yourself. So self forgiveness, self reflection, investing in understanding the human that you are, and what that means to be that person in in your entirety. So those are the five.

Margarita Gurri: 28:01

As a psychologist, I see many people who are disappointed in themselves, because they do not feel that they have found their purpose. Please speak to that.

David Marlowe: 28:14

I think that goes back. If you think to the Fran Lebowitz quote, right, it is psychically draining when you're not connected to what you're, you were called to do. And I think, for me, one struggle that I had, on a personal level, just having a think about having a calling, I felt like there was a there was a calling for me when I was young. And if I didn't find it, I would be lost. You know, it's like, oh, my gosh, if I don't, I don't put all this time and effort and energy into finding it. You know, I'll miss I'll miss God's calling. And what I have found is that, that, that in the in the sense of what we're talking about today, God's calling for me is to be me. And to be that fullness of me and that creation and living that out. It's not about whether I was an accountant or a Marine Sergeant or this or that. Those are professions and those are ways of manifesting it. I can't miss the calling. If I truly uncover what's already there, which is, you know, the real me, I think we all have a sense of that when we're young. And then I say uncovering rather than discover, because I think it's Eureka guys there. The true nature of you and your purpose is there and your heart and life and disappointments and burdens and jobs and kids and all these things kind of pile on top of it. And it's our it's our effort to uncover that and really understand that that's, that's missing for many, many people and for all the right reasons. I mean we all we all get busy we all have. I talked to my couple of my kids are now married and have kids of their own and I think that is the toughest time in life, because you just pulled so many different ways. You're trying to build a career, you're trying to raise your kids, you're trying to maintain connection to your spouse and all the things right. And there's just so much pulling you and kind of covering your Iki guy, if you will. So that to folks that have felt that, I would say I understand that it can, I think you've described the danger of not living into your achy guy.

Yonason Goldson: 30:30

There's so much we could unpack right there. And what I homed in on is the word you use the word harmony, which is one of my favorite words. Because the Hebrew word Shalom, which is often translated as peace, more accurately, or more literally translates as harmony. And the sages teach the mystics teach that there there are seven spiritual levels that correspond to the seven levels of the seven days of creation. And the first level is kindness. Just that outpouring of giving, and being directed towards others. And the final level, the ultimate level is called sovereignty. And that's mastery over all of those different elements that you describe, ultimately, as mastery of ourselves. But included in that is mastery over all the component parts, all of the various aspects of our circumstances. And that relates to harmony, because what is harmony, harmony is all the pieces are in place. And everything is doing what it's supposed to be doing in a way that complements everything else. And there's a fusion into an integration. And and this is why King David in his songs introduces so many of them with the opening for the conductor, who is the conductor, the conductor is God, who is the most important person in an orchestra, the one person is not holding an instrument. Because the conductor keeps all the players playing in harmony. And that recognizing ourselves as part of something that's universal part of something that's transcendent. And recognizing that we can master ourselves in a way that integrates us into a higher purpose and a larger purpose. That's what we're in this world to accomplish. And, and of course, the idea is not worth we're not really supposed to achieve this. I don't think we're here we're to pursue it we are to be involved in the process, which is ongoing and never ending.

Margarita Gurri: 32:51

I had an influential priest in my life. We're going from the the rabbi's thoughts to the Roman Catholic during my confirmation. Many of us in the teenage years who said we did not purpose for life. And we were often trying to change those things about ourselves we didn't like. And the priests gently chided us by saying God gave you your strength, so you could do his work. But Aha, it was in those weirdnesses that he guided you to find your path. And that we should embrace those witnesses and understand not just in dogs them but understand what they mean and help them guide us. And I think accepting all of us is a theme that's pretty modern these days, the perfect imperfections, you know, from the songs and whatever. What do you have to say about that embracing our weirdnesses?

David Marlowe: 33:47

Well, I so I I admit to being a recovering perfectionist. So hi,

Margarita Gurri: 33:55

by the way, you said that you're you're demonstrating the sustainability of the pursuit performance report group you have company here. I think he does a good company, all of us.

David Marlowe: 34:09

And so, absolutely the when you think about what are the what are the best? I tell people that they if they thought of themselves as a product, right? You want to be the one best in the world. Right? And and you can't be the best in the world at I can't be the best Lean Six Sigma guy. I can't be the best I used to play trombone couldn't be the best trombonist, right. But I can be the best at bringing all those things together. Right, and creating that unique personality and the traits and as you said that those things like I noticed, I noticed. I've always had sort of a sense for process and when things were running well or weren't running well I could just even even as you A man could walk into a room and just almost see where things could be improved. Now, that's a really great thing when you're, you know, in your 40s, and 50s, and running transformation programs, when your parents, when you share with your parents the insight you have about what could be improved around the house, they're not as open to it, right? They don't embrace that unique quality that you have. And a lot of times the world doesn't, but understanding that those those idiosyncratic aspects of you and your personality, blended together make a and I don't mean to just connect it to work, but a talent stack that is unique and has an opportunity to bring perceptions and, and things in a totally different view. I mean, I think just like this, this podcast, the the world that you know, and come from Doctor, and rabbi, very different worlds, it's a, it's a better understanding when you share your thoughts and perceptions and perspectives, and gives a whole new insight, right, like a whole new idea, and so on, and so on. So if you think about within yourself, those unique aspects are blended and meant to create a unique insight, a unique understanding and sharing that with the world. I would encourage people who feel like they have those weirdnesses and idiosyncratic things that that seem off, it's like look for how that might might plan with what other things you do and how that might be a blessing to the world.

Margarita Gurri: 36:33

Absolutely. And I added something that I thought was philosophically in line with what you're saying, David Marleau, making mistakes is better than faking perfection. And I, I think that that's lovely, I

Yonason Goldson: 36:47

think you there's a beautiful idea as expressed by one of the leading rabbis in the 1800s. He said, we don't have to change ourselves. We simply have to uncover who we truly are. And, you know, when you talk about changing yourself, that sounds so intimidating. And so you don't want to do something wrong with me right now. It's no we are, we have a tremendous amount of potential, we have inner beauty, we have distinction, we have qualities. And we we have to work to let that out. Because there are so many impediments. And there's so many distractions, and there are so many ways we get tripped up, not being true to ourselves, and to ourselves is not just a cliche. It's being true to our true selves, the people we were created to become.

Margarita Gurri: 37:47

And that's why I have the rabbi here every time. I think that many people think they're supposed to be all things to all people. But if we have good partners, and good guests, and people in our, our world, all we have to do is the best we can at bringing out the best in those conversations, those realities. And I think that David, Marla, you've got that down. So we have a word of the day rabbi,

Yonason Goldson: 38:17

which is a very good segue, in fact, because the word of the day is Daya patient, you may not be familiar with this word it actually originates as one of the stops of an organ that allows the the tones to come forth now that needs a little bit of explanation, the way the old fashioned pipe organs organs worked is that there was steam that was built up inside. And the organist would release that steam to flow through particular pipes to create the sound. So it's not that we had to, he had to push the air through. He had to let the air through. And and I think it's a it's a beautiful expression of what we are talking about. Now the word has come to expand to mean the range, the entire range of a musical instrument or a voice, the burst of harmony. The the sort of potential, the, the the fulfilled potential of the creativity, and that harmonious energy that resides within us. And the more we can make connections with others, the more we can connect to our inner selves. The more together we create a community, a society a culture. That is one of fulfillment and beauty. Wow, that's powerful. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 39:59

Thank you. Rabbi that was that was amazing. So David Marlo, you have one last word of wisdom call to action, something for our listeners.

David Marlowe: 40:12

Okay, so I will share something that really started my guide journey long ago. And I'll just ask you to ponder the same question. I had a dream. And it's one of those dreams where I could I could almost recall the whole thing right now it was well over 20 years ago. And in the dream guy who happen to be the coach of the San Francisco 40, Niners totally unrelated. I don't like the 40, Niners I don't know, what was the meaning of this. So that aside, said to me, what would you do if you were done? And that was the that was the end of the dream. And when I woke up, I could not get that question out of my head. And what's the last word? What would you do? If you were dun? Dun, dun, dun, dun. Okay, right. And I have to say it, it started me on a reflecting a passive reflection. That led me to Iki guy, like, done working done. What and I won't go into any whole lot of explanation, because I want to leave you with the question. I don't want you to live into the question. What would you do if you were done? and see where that reflection takes you? I think you I think it might be a really amazing trip for you.

Yonason Goldson: 41:34

Wow, that's, that's very striking. And and I don't usually dabble in dream interpretation. But I would suggest that who are the 40, Niners they were, they were mining for gold. And so as we as we seek gold in our lives, we seek treasure. The real question is, what are we going to do with the treasure when we found it when we find it? Because there are all kinds of treasures. And we all have access to some of them. And the question is, what are we going to Why do you want to win the lottery? Why do you want to have a million dollars or $100 million? Or a billion dollars? What are you going to do with it if you had it? And so I think that's, that's what resonates in my mind. From your question. And David, thank you so much, you and I connected on LinkedIn A while back, and I think we've been kind of a mutual admiration society since then. So it's really a pleasure for me to get a chance finally to talk to you face to face, whatever that is in the virtual world. And, and thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. And, Doctor, do you have a last word for us today?

Margarita Gurri: 42:47

Oh, you know, I'm never short in opinion. David Marlo, you had said when you were a kid, you wanted to be an astronaut. And I do believe you have become one, you help everyone defy gravity. And I think that the whole Iki guy. thing about being present in the here and now is I'm certainly within our grasp. As we listen to you and read what you have to say. I put in the chat your links for Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. I urge everyone to follow you and learn more about you. And I will put your email as well in the chat so everyone can reach you. David, Marlo rabbi, always an amazing gift. And thank you so much for joining us on the rabbi in the shrink an unscripted conversation about everyday ethics. Thank you all. We'll see you next Tuesday at 1230. Thank you. Well, you guys frozen. We're waiting for you to start the recording. Oh, well.

David Marlowe: 43:57

Both of the experience of it have the experience of being parents, but also, we're not under the pressure. And so we're a little more free to maybe have the patients we would have liked to had or, or the understanding. And that's something we my wife and I try and impart to our grandkids does just be that that gap they learn that's not a not a gap and there's a judgment of something missing. It's more Hey there, their heads down just trying to keep these kids alive and keep their you know, their careers going on and all the things and I don't have that level of pressure. So I I can be that gap filler for that. And I think there's interesting you say that.

Yonason Goldson: 44:41

I actually wrote an essay about my grandfather, who apparently was a difficult man to his kids to his business associates. And when I was born, I was the only grandchild. Wow, wow. Yeah. And when I was born, my mother told Me, people could not believe him around me. Ah, yes, just a side of him came out that no one had ever seen. And, you know, passed away, I was sick. So we didn't have a lot of time together. Oh, I'm sorry. But it just went in when I reflect on it. You know, my experience with him was just one of unadulterated joy. My uncle spent his entire life blaming his father for all of his problems in life. And, and I my conclusion was exactly what you just said, David, that without the pressure of having been responsible for the, for the for the product, right, he was finally free to be himself. And it's just sad that didn't come out in more aspects of his life. Yeah, wow. That's, that's a great, that's a great illustration of that of it. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 46:00

It really is. I mean, that's like the hyvee movie, the original one, is he comes to live with his grump. And he softens her heart. I do think the grandparent role is an essential one. And when I came to this country, you know, as a refugee from Cuba, the people that lived across the street from us became our grandparents in many ways. And they were amazing. And without them, I think my life would have been very different. I had grandparents, but they died, you know, pretty early. And I think you're the guy grandparent is a winner. If you need us to have conversations with you about our experiences, let us know, we'd be honored and to be of help in that amazing pursuit. I think it's a brilliant idea.

Yonason Goldson: 46:49

All right, the books will help me my kids are still my grandkids are still very young. So

David Marlowe: 46:53

yeah, that's a great idea. I like that. Okay. Yeah, think about that. Because those are compelling. So I mean, everybody has a story, but some are a little more illustrative of what of the point, right, those are great.

Margarita Gurri: 47:08

Robots? That is a great story. You know, and I love being a grandparent is certainly different than being a parent. Oh, yeah. And, you know, it's, um, brings out a different awareness. Because since you're not so busy, it's kind of like you're standing still, like, when you're a parent, you're not, you're a moving target, and you're all over the place. As a grandparent, you're more still, and so you kind of see things more clearly. Plus, you're older and less dumb, which helps. So it's really been interesting. So I'll say, I have a, I have a thought to my kids, and then let me know if you want to share it. Because, you know, I don't want to be intrusive, but at the same time, I'm going to be intrusive, in my own thoughtful way when they're ready. And then they ask about it. So in our family, we say, Would you like to sit on the porch? And that means get an idea or man make you a cup of coffee? Eve? It's a really big idea. So cafecito It's a Cuban coffee, or delito cafe collection. Those are for the more serious talks, we go back to the Cuban roots. So

David Marlowe: 48:18

so so the level of conversation or the or the depth or intensity is dependent on what coffee you offer. purity of the coffee. Wow. I love that. geek, so that's perfect. That's what coffee Do you drink, sir? I do a lot of espresso. And I think for the last year I've I've only had a suppressor we my wife and I've been doing intermittent fasting. And so, but I love lattes. Bread days. cortado has anything that has some coffee in it would be fine, although I don't like people are always sending me like coffee flavored things that I hate. Like, I don't know what it is. I just like, Oh, yeah, like this is coffee flavors. Like No, I have coffee for that.

Margarita Gurri: 49:13

Not a fan of flavored coffee. No, I'm not either. I like coffee and his purity is a lovely thing. So Rob, I knew he was smart. He likes espresso. This

Yonason Goldson: 49:24

is News, right? Oh, yeah. I never found anything. I really liked more than instant Nescafe.

Unknown: 49:31

Oh my god. My father would love you for that. devastated to learn this about you? Well,

Yonason Goldson: 49:38

you don't have to feel too bad. my cardiologist told me I have to give up copies. So now I drink Japanese tea. Oh, really? Oh. Japanese tea have just as much coffee. Oh, no. No, no, the tea is much less than min coffee. And apparently there's other good stuff in the tea. So yeah, there's nearly as good but those are the breaks. Oh, man.

David Marlowe: 50:00

I'm sorry to hear that because I came late to the game and coffees, I did not drink it as a kid because my, my parents drank, you know, the the Folgers my, my dad up to his dying day with like, make coffee in the morning. And then that was what was in there on the heater all day long. You to drink that black. He was in. He's in submarines and in World War Two and learn to drink coffee there. And they just, you know, it was just like the, you could tar the road with it if you were done with it at the end of the day kind of thing. So I had no interest in it. And then I went to France and had espresso for the first time and because every everything food related to Francis is fabulous. Right? So I'm like, wow, where has this been all my life. You know, this is like really good stuff. And, and then the effects of coffee too. And, and then my wife stayed home where there are kids and and then was the plan was for her to go back to work when they got older. And that's how we were going to fund college and all that soon she became a barista at Starbucks. And so she learned like, and like I've got a personal barista now. So yeah, yeah, I'm very, very into very into coffee.

Margarita Gurri: 51:15

Man, very good. I'm glad for that. That's so cool. Hey, Rob, I almost brought up the idea that I think your wife is a key guy with her garden. She's talking about how simple it is just one thing at a time. And she's always changing. And whenever and I I didn't want to put her on the spot. But I think your wife is embracing the Iki guy with with the front porch garden.

Yonason Goldson: 51:40

Yeah, yes. You know, it's a release for her. She's she teaches which is a, you know, a pretty demanding job. And, you know, she likes, she likes things of beauty. You know, for most of us most for pretty much for a dire marriage. You know, budgeting has been an important part of our way around the house. And the garden is something that she can do with very little financial investment. That that brings beauty to her life.

Margarita Gurri: 52:19

Well, I think it looks like a million bucks your your garden. I was telling the rabbi he had said he wanted to induce me to his wife's garden. And I think that that's a great blog or book or keynote, my wife's garden. I mean, I think it's just perfect. So what's next for you, David Marlowe, you've got so many cool things you're doing. And I think you're making a huge difference. I love the the softness of your tone, but that it has an authority. It's not judgmental, it's not harsh. I, I love that the tone with which you share your ideas. So what's next?

David Marlowe: 52:55

Oh, bye, bye. appreciate those kind words. So I am still trying to figure out exactly how to share this geeky guy. I mean, my initial thing even even though I was working on this on a personal level, I started sharing it on LinkedIn just as a matter of course. And it's it's gotten such a great reaction that I feel like that's, I need to do it in that formal way as opposed to just along with because I had planned to be a consultant and do lean transformations and things like that. So working on a couple of classes, and then I really do want to write I'd like to write five different books I had that maybe part of my problem is I have so many I want to write that I haven't started writing the one right. But I love I love bringing this to people and helping them find it. And so to the degree that I can do that. That's that's what I'm looking to do. Formally, I have a fact as soon as I'm done with this, I've got to get working on a proposal to with a company to do a do a transformation program with them. And I'm looking to incorporate epi II into the lean transformation work that I do and so that that might be a full blown year long consulting gig. That would keep me keep me gainfully employed and buying high end coffee. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 54:31

I think so. I know somebody who is brilliant. His name is David Morrow. And he would say write down the bad ideas for all your five books. And enjoy the badness of it all embrace the suck, as we would say, right. Right. Um, I don't know you might listen to him. He's a brilliant guy.

David Marlowe: 54:51

You know, I it's funny you said and I really appreciate what you said as well. They I have a few friends that I will occasionally call them When I'm stuck like that, and I'll say, Okay, I need you to be me, for me to do just wait. My wife's very good at that too. And I mean that. Sincerely. She she's like, so I know someone who would maybe say that perhaps. I tell her No, it's no fair using Jedi Mind Jedi mind tricks on me. No, but she no fair

Margarita Gurri: 55:26

at all but but very bright. So you have two new friends, the rabbi knife ever we can be of service to you, as you follow your Iki guy, please don't hesitate to text us. I don't like phone or email, but text I like I think it's faster and easier. So please don't hesitate to text us I'm going to a lot of like texting. So please email.

David Marlowe: 55:48

Okay. Remember that, I do want to i, you said you're gonna have a transcript to this right, I do want to get the seven levels that you were talking about in some of the other, I think some of the sage advice you you've no pun intended that from the sages, I mean, the connecting to purpose is really, really spot on. And we'd love to incorporate that into the, into the learning to Rabbi.

Yonason Goldson: 56:17

I think I'm sure have an essay somewhere on the seven levels. If you share that with both of us. And I have I'm already going to share an interview with Margarita. But in that interview, there's a whole discussion about the interconnection between happiness and purpose. So I'll send you a link for that as well.

Margarita Gurri: 56:40

And one of my specialty areas is helping people identify the barriers to their Iki guy, okay, I didn't use the this the word Iki guy, but barriers, to purpose barriers to their goals to to happiness. I came to this country as a refugee and got beat up quite a bit when I was four and a half, five, for being Cuban. And I come home a little bloody, and my parents would comfort us and my father would say, What's your plan? What are you gonna do now? And my mother would say, That's Jesus. And I thought, well, he had a great hope. But what I learned is that when we're in the weeds, it's a wonderful opportunity to choose happiness. And to understand what am I learning from this now? And it's interesting, that way, you don't get bitter and you don't hold grudges. You think, Oh, interesting opportunity. Let's learn from it so we can move on. You know, it's, it's interesting. So rather nice to figuring out ways to be of service to people combining our wisdom and other people's wisdoms. If you have any ideas that we where we can be of service, please do let us know. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, we're

Yonason Goldson: 57:51

on a mission. So we're happy to have partners anywhere we can find them. A lot. Yeah, we are.

Margarita Gurri: 57:59

We're good and stalwart partners to anybody. So please do let us know how can we be a service we love your mission?

David Marlowe: 58:06

Oh, thanks. And I appreciate yours as well and so glad to get to meet you and don't say I you know, I feel like we've talked before but we haven't said this is a strange world isn't it?

Margarita Gurri: 58:19

been been connected? And I'm I'm working on learning to do the social media so I can connect differently with people there so that'd be great. where David Thank you so very much please thank your wife and family for us as well. And rabbis always I'm just so delighted you're on this journey with with me great good journey and grateful sir Good to make it in good company. Well, yeah, we're always in good company, are we? Alright, you guys take care you vessels and blessings as we say in Spanish.