#37: Breeda Miller - Conquer Crises with Compassion and Humor

Is it ever right to deceive or mislead?

What happens when we become unexpectedly thrust into a radically new situation?

How do we cope with compassion fatigue?

These and other compelling questions are addressed when self-care expert Breeda Miller returns to join The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/breedamiller/

https://breedamillerspeaking.com/

1:00 An unplanned journey 

The story of "Mrs. Kelly"

How do we cope with compassion fatigue?

We can’t help others if we don’t care for ourselves

Stories implant the lessons we need to survive and thrive

We can’t control what happens to us, only our responses

4:30 Response is the root of responsibility

The difference between reacting and responding

Looking at the bright side helps us cope with the darkness

6:30 Give yourself permission to not respond

Take a step back

Meet others where they are

Blessed are the flexible…

Balance humor against dignity -- no regrets

12:00 The rabbi who forgot his own lessons

We don’t cope well with deviations from the norm

Take responsibility for your responses

14:30  The ticket to heaven

Is it ever right to deceive or mislead?

A little creativity goes a long way

21:00 We can’t break out of the box if we think in binary terms

“Disbelieve everything I say; I’m telling the truth.”

“Did that really happen?”

Don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story -- what does that mean?

26:00 Our perception is the reality of our truth

If our intent is not to deceive, we let the story tell itself

The unreliability of memory

We have to hold ourselves accountable

33:00 Second to nun?

Mark Twain: If you tell the truth, you can have a terrible memory

34:30  The word of the day:  perfectionism

Perfection is not achievable, so being a perfectionist is setting ourselves up for failure

Striving toward an unreachable goal may enable us to achieve our potential

Transcript

Margarita Gurri: 0:03

Welcome to the rabbi and the shrink everyday ethics unscripted. This is Dr Margarita Gurri, Dr. Red Shoe and my favorite Rabbi

Yonason Goldson: 0:12

Yonason Goldson.

Margarita Gurri: 0:14

The rabbi and I are delighted to have you back. This is Breeda Miller. Welcome. Hello, how are you?

Yonason Goldson: 0:20

Hi Breeda

Margarita Gurri: 0:21

We invited Breeda back because she's an expert in self care, and in compassion, fatigue. And right now, with so many businesses having been so affected by the pandemic, I think we need you Breeda. Thank you. She's also got a one woman play Mrs. Kelly's journey home, that is striking hearts, just where they needed to be. And helping everyone to make good sense of the pain that they struggled. So why don't we start there. Please talk to us about your journey to Mrs. Kelly's journey home.

Breeda Miller: 1:05

Journey is really the right word. Because it was an unplanned journey. As a caregiver, I was an accidental caregiver. I didn't know anything about it, I had no training. All I knew was that I love my mom. And I was thrown into a world of medical diagnoses and dementia and treatment options, and just overwhelming exhaustion and stress being thrust into a situation that I never planned for. And it's not unlike, I think, when I think back now, because that was over 10 years ago. But living through COVID and living through the pandemic, the unknowns, the constant changing of the rules, or the status, or what do we do now? Or what how does this impact my world, my life, my business, my family, my sense of peace. There's an awful lot of correlations to my experiences as a caregiver, that I've been able to move forward and look at these ideas of compassion, fatigue, and of how people how the reality of how we care for ourselves, impacts tremendously. Our ability to cope with the stresses in the world, our ability to deal with all of the incoming. And that's where I come from the idea of the play Mrs. Journeys home, Mrs. Kelly sir, nailed it, I couldn't not write it, it came to me. And I feel that it is my life's work. And that's what I've been able to do is take this often horrible experience, but often profound and loving experience of being my mother's primary caregiver while raising my family, and learn the lessons. And then use a sense of humor, and a keen sense of observation, to translate this into stories that I'm while very personal, are universal, and that people can relate to. And my hope is that people will learn from this, attend this play, it's entertaining, it's funny, your eyes might leak a little bit on sand. But also, when you hear a good story, you may not remember, you know, PowerPoint, bullets or, or 123 facts, but you'll remember a good story. And this, this show is filled with the stories, the lessons that I learned, often a cautionary tale, what happens when you don't take care of yourself, what happens when you don't have the mental capacity to deal with stresses that are just beyond what you ever imagined would happen in your life. And and that's what this show is about. The bottom line is it is we can't control all that happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it. And that is the essence I think of the value of self care so that you have the ability, you have the mental agility to respond and react in a way that's going to be productive and positive. And just make the situation even a really, really bad situation. Make it a little bit better.

Yonason Goldson: 4:31

He said a couple of things that really resonated with me and someone recently pointed out to me, that word response is the root of the word responsibility. And what you said is exactly right. We can't control the things that happened to us. All we can control our responses and that there's been reacting and responding is critical. Because as human beings we tend to read Yeah, and training ourselves to respond to choose the way we, we do it and we do respond, that makes all the difference in the world. And when you mentioned, humor, humor gets us through so many difficulties, if we can just look at the light side know, my, my father was slipping into dementia. And my mother was having a very difficult time. And she would get so impatient with him. Because she knew the man he was. And she couldn't reconcile the person he was becoming. And I was over visiting them in the news was on and it was showing this scenes of this, I think it was a hurricane that hits struck Japan, and this devastation, and my father turns to me says, Have you gotten any damage? And the data were good.

Breeda Miller: 6:00

It was big storm, but not that big.

Yonason Goldson: 6:03

Yeah, you know, you just have to laugh. You do. And and striking that balance of you know, when is humor appropriate, what measure of humor is appropriate, letting just enough humor seep in to take the edge off? The struggle and the pain and the challenge and the unpleasantness? I think it's a wonderful formula that you have devised to show us how we can apply this in all different aspects of our lives.

Breeda Miller: 6:37

Exactly right. And two things that I'd like to say is that all three things, it's hard, first of all, secondly, many times it's so hard and so horrible, that he can't find the humor when you're in the midst of it when you're in the thick of it. And that's when you need to step back and give yourself permission to just not respond not say something not let not have you know, I always think about, you know, the reason it's called a knee jerk reaction, because there's a jerk involved. And it's usually not a positive response whenever you have a knee jerk reaction. But when you think back to it, about where I found the humor is, the ridiculousness of situations, the ridiculousness of your father's comments about the storm damage to you, instead of, you know, being appalled and saying, Well, of course not. That's ridiculous. I mean, it's on the other side of the world. And, you know, I had family members who really couldn't cope with now my mother didn't have Alzheimer's, she had vascular dementia, my mother in law, had Alzheimer's disease, and some other family members had a really hard time. And I was looking at some research. And in the old times, in the olden days, the the idea the therapy was to do everything you could to make sure the person with dementia was fully present, you know that they knew the day of the week, and that you would correct them and you'd make you try to bring them into the present at all costs. And the good news is, people finally realize the professionals realized, no good will come of that there is no point. And as the caregiver as the person who is working so hard every day to bring that person into the reality, you're going to be frustrated, you're going to get annoyed, and you're going to think this is not right. I've been trying so hard, and he still doesn't know who I am. Or she doesn't know what day of the week is can you believe that? Or he knows he's? Yeah, I can believe it. So my mindset is, as long as everybody safe, you know, let's not be giving them the car keys. But when you want to talk about something if that person is in 1957, and you can ask them a question about Wow, that must have been fun. Tell me about it. They're going to be calm and peaceful. You're not going to be been out and stressful. And honestly, who cares that they don't know that it's 2021 or they don't know that it's Wednesday. If you can find a way to insect here's my little mascot that I think about with caregiving, Gumby bless it are the flexible for they shall not get bent out of shape. Right. Right. Wonderful. And so as finding silly humorous things, I keep Gumby on my desk to help me when I get you know, wound up or upset about something. I just have to stop and sometimes the ridiculousness of the situation like I like to say, I had no idea how many bodily fluids a 100 pound woman could create, and that I would have to deal with. You know, that was not fun. That was not pleasant. But if you can find a way way to look at it and say, those were crazy times. But I get through it. But I got to the other side. So when you talk about the use of humor, here's two things I think about. One is that you're absolutely right, it takes the edge off the situation. The humor is never about the other person, it is never mocking the other person. It's never demeaning or diminishing them. It's looking at the situation and saying, We're in crazy town right now. And Wow. Um, and the other thing that that is an important word is dignity, that I would never make a joke or talk about something that would in any way impact the dignity of my mother for two reasons. One, it's the right thing to do. Right. And it's not appropriate. But secondly, selfishly, I didn't want to have regrets about the way that I treated my mother.

Margarita Gurri: 11:03

That's a huge challenge, though. It is, it is a really huge challenge.

Breeda Miller: 11:09

And that's why if you're feeling compassion, fatigue, and you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to be able to do that. You have to have the mental capacity, you have to have the the ability to step outside the emotion of the stress, and say, Okay, this is not going well, I need what do I need to do? What can I do, maybe I need to take a nap, maybe I need to just go outside for 10 minutes, and chill out. Until I can be in a better place mentally, to respond in a way that's going to make the situation better, not worse.

Margarita Gurri: 11:51

100% Rabbi, you always have some great stories.

Yonason Goldson: 12:00

There is a one of the sages in the rabbinic literature. When he became older, he forgot many of the teachings that he had taught his students. And there are a number of episodes where he would say something his students say, but rabbika you taught us they would remind him of what he had told them. They were showing him that they remembered what he had taught them. They were helping him remember what he had taught them. And they're doing it in a way that preserve the integrity of the law, while preserving the respect and the dignity of their teacher. And, you know, my mother is 93. And thank God, she has most of her faculties. But she's had to move into assisted living. And it's been a hard transition. She she doesn't have a friends around. It's a new environment and transition at that age is not simple. And I have to remind myself, and sometimes my family have to remind me to be more patient, and to be more supportive. Because it's easy for us, especially when we have lives that are stressing us out. And then there's some deviation from the norm or what we think should be the norm. And it taxes us and it spills over. I mean, you said it's hard and it is it is but it's so much better for us all. When we when we take responsibility. In our responses.

Margarita Gurri: 13:56

Rita has a story that's in her one woman play, which is showing October 23 20/22 23rd 24th. And we'll have the information available for everyone. But she has something that is a pivotal story, the the ticket to heaven. That story for me. I keep it close to me because it reminds me of how we the choices we have in handling someone's persistent sense of shaming us getting mad at us for not doing something when they're no longer either capable because a dimension or because sometimes we're limited. Maybe we're stressed out and even people without dementia. This thing helps me to have creativity. So please tell us that ticket to Heaven story. I I think everyone needs to hear it so they can apply it to their everyday life.

Breeda Miller: 14:52

Like Rita. Thank you. Yeah, and in fact, this is how it all began. I told the story on the moss on NPR years ago and As it gets such it resonated with so many people, I realized I had a message to share with others from my experiences. So my mom was a lifelong traveler and she emigrated from Ireland. And late in life, she developed vascular dementia, but she loved to travel. She was in hospice care in my home for a long time. And near the end of her life, she was sitting in her chair. And well, another thing was, she would often refer to there were two breeders, the Bradbery to that she would complain to me about, you know, who would make her take mind altering medication, like Advil, and who refused to give her tea during the night. And it was great for me because I could hear her complain about the other Brita, which gave me an inside track into her mind. Anyway, one day, she was sitting in her chair, and she was just really stressed and worried. She was near tears. And I went to her and I said, Mum, what's wrong? You look very upset. And she said, It's the breeder. I keep asking her for the bus schedule to Dublin, and she just won't get it for me. And I need to go home. Well, at this stage, my mom, she couldn't travel. I couldn't take her to Ireland. She couldn't even leave the house. And she had been asking me for the bus schedule for weeks. And I tried to change the subject. I tried to offer her a cup of tea, once I even tried to reason with her and say, But mom, you know, the bus schedules from Michigan to Dublin are not very reliable. And besides, how would you climb up the steps to the bus with your walker? And she said to me all No, they've gotten much better. And besides, the conductor would help me. She was relentless. There was nothing I could do. I wasn't sleeping. Well, I was exhausted. I had nothing. There was nothing I could do to answer this to respond in a way that was positive. So this day, when she's just really, really upset in near tears, I heard her and something clicked in my brain. And I said, Mom, I'm here today. Don't you worry about that bitch. I'm going to help you. I'll figure it out. I had no idea what I could possibly do. So I just thought what what could ease her anxiety? What what could help? And I realized, you know, she loved to travel, but I couldn't take her. And I thought, what if I got her a fake ticket, a fake boarding pass, maybe maybe that would help her. So I went to my computer and I Googled, boarding pass. And up on the screen appeared, the shell the template of a boarding pass. And I started to fill in the fields, departing airport, de TW. Arriving airport. Now this was tricky. I could type in do you be for Dublin, I thought let's go with better and I typed heaven. It took it. travel dates. Open. It took it. I looked at this again, I filled in her name, Mary Kelly. And it said first class. Perfect. And then I looked again at this random boarding pass. And it said American Airlines. Well, my brother works for American Airlines. My mother was so proud. This was perfect. I found some guard cardstock. I hit print. And in seconds in my hands. I had a boarding pass. So I walked over to mom's chair. And I handed it to her and I said Mom, you're all set, you're good to go. And her eyes, she got clear, she came back to this world as reality. She looked at the past and she said she was delighted. And she said oh, I'm going to show father with this one. And you know, for the next few weeks as people came to visit her for the last time, instead of being anxious and worried. She was so excited. She'd say, Wait till I show you what breeder got for me. And she chose them to pass and they'd have a great laugh and they'd say, Oh, Mary, you are indeed blessed. She never asked me for the bus schedules again. And she kept that passed near to her until the day she died.

Margarita Gurri: 19:37

Well, I thought that was brilliant, like the rabbi going along with his dad and the the across the world impact of a weather event that fascinating.

Yonason Goldson: 19:47

Yeah, yeah, we were talking about thinking outside the box. A little creativity sometimes can make such a huge difference

Breeda Miller: 19:56

and thinking what was meaningful to her. That was meaning To me, and for her, she would, she would tell me oh, I've booked a trip six weeks ahead of the time. And she'd be delighted and thinking about it. That is what gave her great joy. And I knew that. And so I just was trying to think what what would make her happy. And apparently, this was it. So I, I've witnessed, I think more than a few miracles in my life. And this was my favorite.

Margarita Gurri: 20:28

It's just, it's one of my favorites, too. It's just beautiful. Thank you. And I think people in the business world can go a long way to using that as a template. asking themselves, not just what we used to do. But what follows the spirit of what people need and want in these interesting and changing times. And finding a way to think outside the box. One of the reasons why I like the the rabbi's book grappling with the gray is it gives everyone permission to be comfortable in the muck of it all. You got to muck around and ask questions, don't worry about what other people think or what is supposed to be work about what makes sense in that, not only in that moment, but given your values. So I I think that was brilliant that you were able to do that. So beautiful,

Yonason Goldson: 21:22

very interesting point, doctor that when we when we it's so easy, and these days, so common to look at things in black and white terms. And what that does, is it calcifies our thinking, yeah, not just when it comes to ethics, but in situation like yours Brita that if you're stuck in this, well, she can't go and therefore I can't support her in this. There's no way out of that box. Whereas if you look at it as How can I let her have what she wants in some way and start just playing with possibilities? Because sometimes the impossible you can make it happen in in one form or another.

Breeda Miller: 22:11

Absolutely right. Another thing that is important to consider when it comes to caring for a person with dementia, I believe in therapeutic fibbing that people have said, Oh, I could never lie to my mother. That's a fake ticket. That would be unethical. That would be wrong. I couldn't do that. I think in this instance, it's a matter of your intent, what your purpose and you know, the abilities of the person that wasn't trying to trick my mom. I wasn't trying to lie to her. I was trying to give her something that would give her a sense of peace. And thinking that this might be it.

Yonason Goldson: 22:49

Yeah, often quoted Ursula Kellogg when famous science fiction writer, um, you know, she, she made a point, which is really what you're saying, isn't fiction, flying? Or telling stories that aren't true? So why is this acceptable? It's because through the made up story, we communicate universal themes. And the meta story is true. Even if the story that carries it may be fabricated, and she uses the line. disbelieve everything I tell you. I'm speaking the truth.

Breeda Miller: 23:38

Well, I will say this in my show, Mrs. Kelly's journey home. It's hard to believe, but there really is no fiction that these people really said these things. And it is I'm not even acting. I'm channeling my mother and my father, and their their escapades and their shenanigans. And it I know somebody's so pretty. What did you get your ideas for these stories? Well, it was my life. And this is really what happened. It wasn't a matter of getting the ideas. And I think that's what resonates with people that the authenticity of it. As my mum said, warts and all.

Yonason Goldson: 24:18

It's one of the questions I get asked frequently when I when I write essays about my experiences, but did that really happen? So once it has really happened, I wouldn't be writing it. You know, it's okay to write fiction as long as you acknowledge that it's fiction. Exactly. If I'm telling what's supposed to be my life story, and it's made up, then you have an ethical problem, right?

Margarita Gurri: 24:44

Well, and yet there's this whole school of thought that if you're a storyteller or speaker, that don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. And so a lot of people rearrange things, and I think depends on the purpose for it. I think it can be ethical or not lying. I once had a brilliant person asked me to co author a book. But this person wanted me to lie about something and I couldn't lie about it, it just was wrong. And so was really unpleasant, but I couldn't do it.

Yonason Goldson: 25:17

You know, so you have to streamline a story. For this storytelling effect. Yes, that's different from fabricating or misrepresenting? Yeah, it's the ability to negotiate those compromises that really require us to have an ethical mindset.

Breeda Miller: 25:40

Yeah, if our intent is not to deceive, but rather to recognize the framework that we're working in. And in, you know, in this play, I needed to change the timeframe on certain things or, you know, it did not in any way change, the message did not change the truth of what actually happened. But perhaps the the, the, the order of it or, or something that was really minor, but that made the story flow, the context of a play, you know, that is creative license as as the author, although I, you know, in memorizing 30 pages of this with being a one woman show, I'm very cranky with this writer. I mean, what was she thinking?

Margarita Gurri: 26:27

I think the where people get into ethical dilemmas in the workplace and at home, and in the community, is when thinking about their own narrative. They sometimes forget to ask what is the real truth versus my perception in a moment of joy, or anger or bitterness or fear? Yeah. And Rob, I wanted to speak to that issue, please, in terms of grappling with the gray. So I think that's where some people get into ethical, hot water?

Yonason Goldson: 26:58

Well, you know, I think that that you've addressed that yourself, doctor in your story about your mother's red shoes. Yes. She told you subsequently, they weren't actually read they? Yeah, I think. Yeah. Right, right. So your perception is the reality of your experience. Yes. And, you know, I still kick myself for not keeping a diary or journal when I was traveling, because I rely on memories of memories of memories of memories. And as far as I know, and telling the truth, but we know how unreliable the memory is. So we're sort of stuck with this, understanding that we can't really trust our memories, but we have nothing else to go. And in fact, this is fascinating. They did a study where they asked people to write down a perception of something that just happened. And then they showed it to them weeks or months later. After they have the recount the incident. And then they showed them how the their memory was different from what they themselves had written down in the moment that people refused to believe their own written account. Because their memory told them otherwise. And that's instructive. It's also kind of scary. It is scary, so invested in our perception of the truth that we will let the real truth in.

Margarita Gurri: 28:41

Which is why I love this ticket to heaven. Because I think Brita did something that a lot of people don't allow themselves to do. She was thinking with her heart, she was thinking with his big brain of hers. And she came up with a really creative solution that anchors her mother into feeling safe about her future. And I just I think that was just so very loving. And I, I'm hoping everyone feels a sense of, of freedom to think with their hearts and add their creative spirit. Whether it's a business situation or with a loved one at home. I think that that's just awesome.

Breeda Miller: 29:18

Thank you, and it doesn't have to cost any money. Well, and it didn't cost you a cent did it? It didn't. I already have on cardstock. So

Margarita Gurri: 29:27

and here you are now who would have thunk from all of this now you're gonna have a world premiere opening of your one woman play. And my takeaway I sat in on on one of the first you know, readings is that everyone got something different out of it. They're watching the immigrant experience they're watching. How do we understand our role in helping somebody as a caregiver? How do we heal from that? What do we do? And I think asking the questions is the rabbi Oh is goes back to what are the questions we need to ask if, if we're going back and looking at events in our lives? What are the questions need asking? And what are the options of the truth that we need to explore to see which one might have been real. When I was little, I set fire. When we first became refugees, I set a fire long story of reason of why but I was five years old, I set a fire. It burned up my the closet I was in in the room. My twin sister who was in the closet with me, does not remember the fire the closet, or that we said it. And I think that the interesting is, what do we allow ourselves to remember or not? And clearly, in my mind, it was all my fault. I don't remember her touching it. But why she remembers and what I don't know. So I always laugh is, you know, what are we doing to our, to our truth? And what lesson does it teach us, which is fascinating.

Yonason Goldson: 31:01

So there was a, there was a belt, they raised the name of there's a prominent celebrity who published an autobiography. And it came out subsequently, that two of the stories that he had written about himself, it actually happened to other people. And his explanation, as it was reported, was that one friend had given him permission to use the story. And the other friend had paid $1,000 to use and store Yikes. And that somehow, in his mind justified what he was doing. And you talked about motives Brita it's kind of hard. To say think, how do you rationalize, I'm going to tell somebody else's story. And claim it's my story. Tell a story about my friend. Yeah, yeah, we think I Well, the only way I can put it in is if I manipulated somehow, if it's if the story is that important to you put it in, in its full truthful context,

Breeda Miller: 32:16

and say, the impact it had on me, right? Yeah, way to make that connection short,

Yonason Goldson: 32:21

or the lesson I learned from exactly right. So we really do have to hold ourselves accountable. Because many times nobody else is gonna find out about it. And it's really just between us and our conscience. There's Ogden Nash said, If you may not get this 100% If you want to be happy, living in this celestial ball, must have a clear conscience or not at all.

Breeda Miller: 32:55

Well, I like to sleep well at night. And that's, you know, one of the great benefit from having a Thera conscience, right? Exactly.

Margarita Gurri: 33:05

Well, years ago, I had a nun that was very cranky, and not the nicest person in the world. Although I'm, I was always appreciative that she deserved my respect, because she was a nun. But she once was asking me about a story and the truth of it, or whatever. And I and, and she asked me about lying, and I said, Well says try. I try very hard not to lie. And she said, all that's good, very ethical. And I was kind of annoyed with her. So I took another tack that wasn't so polite back then. And I said, well, is not due to ethics. I just don't remember lies. And she laughed, because she knew I was giving it back to her because she'd been so judgmental. And I said, and it's also the right thing to do. And she laughed. So that was one of our crossroads where she and I got to understand each other better. And that was, that was kind of interesting. And we

Yonason Goldson: 33:55

quoted Mark Twain before that, if you always told the truth, you can have a terrible memory. But if you lie, you have to remember every lie.

Margarita Gurri: 34:03

And isn't that the truth? Well, we're glad that you found such a creative solution. I'm sure many people will have a great solution in the future and use your idea. I think there should be a repository somewhere of all the great ideas to help people with that caregiving challenge. Whether it's a sick one at home or a as leaders, the people that were leading and helping to make a great life. So that's interesting. Well, Rabbi, do we have a word of the day?

Yonason Goldson: 34:38

We do? I mean, I came to me, I'm not sure it's a real word or not. But I'm going to copyrighted and patent it and charge royalties to Internet TV users. And it came to me during a recent interview with our friend Jeff codec, and the word is perfectionism. And we know what it means to be perfect. Without him, he has to be a perfectionist. And the problem with both of those is that they're pretty much perfection is not really achievable. To be a perfectionist, means I'm setting myself up for failure. Because there's always going to be some defect those would be some degree to which I fall short of the perfect ideal. But a philosophy, a mindset of perfectionism, I believe is one where we strive towards the best that we can be, we strive towards the ideal, even if it's an ideal that's unreachable. You know, they say if you if you set your sights on something that's attainable. That's apropos for Michelangelo. The problem is not setting your sights too high and failing, it's setting them too low and succeeding. If we set goals for ourselves that are out of reach, we may end up achieving our potential. And so to have that ideal of perfectionism, even while we recognize we're not going to meet it, I think is going to help us strike that balance. And certainly in our relationships, and when our relationships become difficult to know what we should expect from ourselves, and at the same time, give ourselves permission to fall short, because we're human beings. We're not going to get it right all the time. But if we shoot for the stars, we'll get it right. More of the time, more often,

Margarita Gurri: 36:44

which is exactly what our guest today Breeden, Miller has done. She shot for the stars. And she she's created this one woman play that's makes you laugh, it makes you cry, it makes you wonder about things that makes you want to get along with yourself and others in beautiful ways. She shot for the moon and she landed. So I'm, I'm just so delighted, Rita Miller, please tell us how people can find out about your show, and more about your life's works.

Breeda Miller: 37:19

Well, I have a website. And it's filled with good stuff. It's it's easy to access, it's Brida miller.com, b, r E, D, a miller.com. And right now, the homepage is all about the play, which is Mrs. Kelly's journey home, you can click on it, there's some comments, there's some inside scoop some information about how it came to be. And then also there's a place to purchase tickets. The other interesting thing for people that are not in Michigan or unable to attend, one of the visions I have for this show is that this will be a phenomenal fundraising event vehicle for nonprofit organizations. So instead of having a big gala, or a golf outing, or something else, why not offer donors and experience, book a theater, sell the tickets, have a VIP reception, get us an underwriter? Bring me in, and I'll perform this show, you know, in its entirety, and then we could do a talk back afterwards. And I think that the messages in this show really are about hope, about love and about goodness. And regardless of the nonprofit, whether it's for an illness or for a school or for organizations that are doing good in the world, I think that's that's the rule that I will have any organization that wants to hire me, you know, I'm going to make that decision about working with them. If they're doing good. That's that's really what I want to do.

Margarita Gurri: 39:00

Well, thank you for sharing that. Rabbi, did you have a final word?

Yonason Goldson: 39:06

No, I think that's a wonderful place for us to leave off. How about you doctor? Last word for us?

Margarita Gurri: 39:12

Well, my for anyone listening, not everyone can be a freedom Miller. So sometimes we don't have the mindset or this the health or the skills to be a caregiver. And if that's the case, we can empower them. The way Rita has empowered all of us with her story, to be able to be creative, and to meet the needs lovingly of everyone, whether it's someone who's ill or that people were leaving. So I think we can all breathe a sigh I call it the brief vacation when I'm whenever I'm in toning her energy I am redefining or in the beautification moment, and I urge everyone to do the best they can not more than they can and use her example, in whatever way might be helpful to not feel guilty. In any way that they couldn't do that, but we all have that ticket to heaven, right? And I'm gonna wash mine in.

Breeda Miller: 40:09

And we all want to remember that it is so important to take a break before you break.

Margarita Gurri: 40:15

And on that note, thank you so much for being on our podcast. Again. We're just grateful. And everyone please join us on Tuesdays at 1230 for the rabbi in the Sring, everyday ethics unscripted, and we look forward to your input. Thank you, everyone.