#50: Mariah and Byron Edgington - You Are More Than Enough

#50 You are more than enough with Mariah and Byron Edgington

Can we raise ourselves when we’re connected to people who pull us down?

Where do we turn when we’re overwhelmed?

What’s the greatest gift you can give?

These and other critical questions are addressed when mindset coaches Mariah and Byron Edgington join The Rabbi and the Shrink.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/byronedgington/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mariahedgington/

https://www.mariahedgington.com/

1:30 More than ever, people need affirmation that we can craft a better world

Where do we turn when we’re overwhelmed?

Just reaching out can change or save a life

We can miss cues that others are desperate for connection

4:30 What’s the greatest gift you can give?

Giving helps the giver as much or more than the receiver

Our moods affect those around us -- mirror neurons

By giving to others, we enable them to give to us

8:00 The more compassion and respect we give ourselves, the more we have to give others

What can we do when we don’t believe we’re good enough?

We aren’t our worst moments

We have to make a conscious decision to focus on the good

14:00 Reframe mistakes as lessons

“You can’t pilot the boat from the wake.” ~Wayne Dyer

Lester Young: the inspiring story of turning a life around (Episode #45)

20:30 Can we raise ourselves when we’re connected to people who pull us down?

Setting boundaries can bring us closer

Rebuke is validation of the potential to improve

Demonstrating commitment to core values raises the bar for others

When we’re pushovers, we harm everyone

26:00 The power of women to lead

Speaking so that our words will be heard

We don’t have to change; we have to uncover our true selves

32:00 The more we give, the more we receive

“We are what we leave behind”

Context and perspective empowers us to affect genuine change

37:00  The word of the day:  overdetermined

determine, account for, or cause (something) in more than one way or with more conditions than are necessary.

We can’t try to reduce outcomes to a single cause

Rather, balance individual influences in our lives with the multiplicity of factors and outlooks by expanding our perception and contextualizing what we have and what we need to improve

Transcript

Margarita Gurri: 0:03

Welcome to the Rabbi and the Shrink. This is Dr. Margarita Gurri, the shrink. And this is everyone's favorite Rabbi

Yonason Goldson: 0:12

Yonason Goldson

Margarita Gurri: 0:14

And you know, the rabbis very good at finding interesting people. And today we have a couple. We have Mariah and Byron Edgington. They're amazing. And they're going to teach us today their thoughts about transitioning to make it a better and brighter world. Welcome.

Mariah Edgington: 0:33

Thank you. Thank you for having us.

Byron Edgington: 0:35

Thank you for having us, what an honour.

Margarita Gurri: 0:38

Well, we feel very honored you, Byron, you were a Chief Warrant Officer, a subject matter expert pilot, and you have all this experience in supporting people from the air. Mariah, you've been a nurse in the most difficult circumstances, building people up from the ground. So together, you have the ground in the sky covered. I love that I the title of your new book journey? Well, you are more than enough. Welcome to the show, please tell us what made you write this book?

Byron Edgington: 1:17

Well, we had, we had all this content. And someone was writing all this content. And it was with a lot of people. And at some point, we decided to put it together and never occurred to us. You know, it's obvious, especially right now that people need to be affirmed, people need to be lifted up. And, yeah, we're convinced that there are just a lot of people out there who know there's a better way to do things and feel in a better world that we should all and we're gonna have to craft it ourselves.

Mariah Edgington: 1:54

It's true. Yeah, we're fortunate because we knew early on when we started this journey, that it was an important message. And the message of hope that people need in this time is they're overwhelmed. They're feeling like they are just getting behind, and they don't know where to turn. So the message resonated with a lot of people, especially at times where I would say, please reach out to somebody that you know, may be failing, or maybe going down the wrong path right now help them and I had people who would write back and say, I did that. And I was so surprised. I didn't know and a few of the notes actually said that they reached out to somebody, they felt very uncomfortable doing so because they were like, Oh, they're gonna think I'm weird, or oh, what do I do that, and I just encouraged them and my post and said, reach out to somebody that you feel you need to. And people have written back and said, they found out that someone was going to take their life. And because they actually acted on that, that specific day, it changed. Yeah. And so once that started happening, we felt we had an obligation to elevate people again.

Byron Edgington: 3:11

Yeah, because that's what we did all of our professional lives. And now we're doing it. However else we can do it. I should also interject here. Just to add to Maria's side of this, we did personally, we had a good dear friend of ours many years ago, who we had no idea, you know, people typically say I never saw that come and I had no idea. Well, Randy was just a great guy, a wonderful human being. And we found out that he had killed himself. And we have never understood why we missed those cues, why we weren't sensitive and us aware enough of what was going on with him. And so that's partly what, you know, what drove us to do this as well, because how many Randy's are there out there? You know, and not that the book focuses on self harm or suicide? It does not. But but one of the big themes of the book is awareness of other people and their value and their dignity.

Margarita Gurri: 4:14

Well, we're sorry for your loss. But you're certainly using your love and understanding of Randy's situation and how it made you feel to save lots of lives. I think that's lovely.

Yonason Goldson: 4:30

Nobody we learned as kids that it's better to give than to receive. And one of the most profound things I heard very early in my in my religious career, is that if that's true, and we believe it is, what's the what's the best thing you can give someone else? And that's the opportunity to give. Yeah, there's actually a famous story in the in rabbinic literature about our greatest sage since Moses, Rabbi Akiva, that he and his wife were destitute, they were sleeping on straw. And God sent them a gift. What was the gift? Somebody knocked at the door and said, I'm so poor, I don't even have the straw to sleep on, can you help me? Now, if I were gone, I think, you know, also bag of gold so that they can buy matters. But what's the point of the story is what the greatest gift they couldn't have was the ability to give to somebody else, because they felt they have nothing to give. And what humanized, rehumanize, them was that sense of we, we are enough. We have something that we can give to help somebody else. And so reaching out, helps us as much as the person to whom we reach out.

Mariah Edgington: 5:49

Absolutely,

Byron Edgington: 5:50

it definitely does. And, in fact, a friend of ours, Dr. Melissa Hughes, is she calls herself a neuroscience geek. And she has she's a contributor to our book, and she mentions is scientifically proven that our moods affect other people. It has both directions. And she has this fun exercise that we mentioned it in the book and journey, well, you're more than enough, walk down the street and just smile at a total stranger. And it's impossible for them not to smile back at you. And she goes on to say that's even worse with a mask on. So. So the point is, if we give something to the you know, I think it was Dolly Parton said if you see somebody without a smile, give them one of yours. Yes. And I love that quote. And anyway, that's, you know, I think we have an obligation to give every chance we can.

Margarita Gurri: 6:45

I agree. And one of the things that some psychologists have been getting more than my share of calls, crisis calls from warriors and speakers and other people who've been hit hard by all the changes COVID. And so they feel they have identified themselves only by how they made money or by a certain lifestyle or ability to give back. Many of these very positive people who give, give, give, suddenly feel, since they don't have the same method of giving. But what the rabbi and you are saying is, let's say I'm totally tapped out by calling one of you or anybody, I'm actually giving to them the ability to give to me. And it's okay, if I'm tapped out, because I'm still part of that abundance. Right. I love that.

Mariah Edgington: 7:33

That is a wonderful way to describe that. Thank you.

Margarita Gurri: 7:38

Thank you. I've just been struggling with so many people calling me with this is part of why I was excited to have you on

Mariah Edgington: 7:45

That is kindful.

Margarita Gurri: 7:47

Yeah. Well, the doctor Melissa huge, we've got to have her on. And I think there's something called mirror neurons, that unless we're totally within ourselves, whether it's because of drugs, or alcohol, or even like autism, or whatever they're in, many people thought ism, do find a way to understand how their people feeling for sure. But maybe they don't mirror it, maybe they know. And maybe they have empathy and whatever. But so sometimes people don't understand how their face is not participating in that sense of joy. And what you said with Dolly Parton was one of my favorite philosophers. Has the idea of smile, even if that's all you can do. So what keeps people from knowing that they're enough? Well, I'm

Unknown: 8:41

going to build on the mirror. Okay, I have an exercise that I teach people that is very unusual. Many people say this is so weird, they just initially, are not able to even do this. But I believe that when we are able to love ourselves fully when we give ourselves compassion and gratitude, and respect, that changes how we appear to other people as well. And one of the exercises I teach people is something called Mirror work that Louise Hay was the initial person who brought this forward. And it's where we look at our own eyes in the mirror. And we say I love you, and followed by your name. And the reason is because none of us initially after society gets through with us from grade school and junior high, feel like we're good enough anymore and that we're judged. So we must judge ourselves. And of course, you've heard that call it the imposter syndrome, an inner critic and we really internalize all these things. But when we can become familiar with our own self and in journey while you are more than the book and the guidebook, I talk about how to use mirror To build yourself up again, look at yourself and claim your worth by saying I love you and your name. And then you can go on and you see your face, you see your expression, if you begin to understand that you are a lovable person, you are a vital part of the community, even if like you had said, doctor that I need built up, and I need to call a friend, give them the gift of supporting me. And now I'm going to use that, by the way, because I think that's brilliant. When we interact with each other, then we can build our sense of worth, know that we are more than enough. And that's how we begin to heal.

Margarita Gurri: 10:45

So let me give you a pushback from the people that I have had the pleasure of working with. Okay, but I'm not good enough. I'm doing a lot of bad things. So. And that's the mindset that somehow we have to be perfect that we, we we can't be human and imperfect. But let's say I've done something really bad, super bad. Have an affair with somebody, I'm still having the affair. I've killed somebody, I've stole money, whatever. Right? Did I you know, so? How can I be good enough? If I've done those things?

Byron Edgington: 11:18

Yeah, and I don't want to be simplistic about it. I'm certainly no expert in this field. But I've heard people say, and I believe that you're not the worst thing you've ever done in your life. And so one of the things we try to bring out in Journey well, we try to focus on looking for the good, and people looking for your good and yourself, looking at all the people whose lives you've touched in a good way. And unless you're younger than five years old, that describes a lot of people because, you know, once you join in the whole mass of humanity, we touch people every day. And we do so I'm going to say I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say 90% of our interactions and other people are positive. So why do we ignore all that and focus on the negativity? Sure, it could have been a really horrific thing. But you're not the worst, you're not bad thing. And you there's so much more going on there. And there is a skill and identifying that I think, and sometimes it takes professional help. But that's we try to bring that forward, we tried to focus light on that particular aspect of being human in this book.

Yonason Goldson: 12:35

There's nothing about human nature that we just hone in, hone in hone in on the on the negative, in exercise really show up here's a piece of paper with one little.on it what do you see, I see a dot. But what about the what about the rest of the paper, there's all white, one little hangnail, and with the obsessed over it, yeah, and the rest of my body is just fine. Yeah. And we have to make a conscious decision to focus in on the good. And I put it up before that in Hebrew, the term for gratitude is a casa Tov, which literally translates as recognize the good recognize to pay attention to the good, you'll see it if you see it, you will feel gratitude. If you feel gratitude, you will be much more at peace with your life. And what you're saying Moriah earlier that if I can change my Outlook, to the point where I'm now projecting goodness, pleasantness happiness, rather than angst, and anxiety and stress. So now, anybody I come in contact with, is going to have the opportunity to mirror my boot. Right? That's right. So by by working on my own mood, I'm actually helping other people work on their moods, and vice versa. And we can create a virtuous circle where we're all supporting each other without really any conscious action at all.

Byron Edgington: 14:15

It's absolutely true. Yeah. And as an addendum to that, I would say that, and this sounds a little simplistic to and again, it's doesn't, I'm not going to get into horrific tragedies that people's lives. But we we claim in the book, that the mistakes I mean, people call them mistakes or missteps, or whatever we call them, they're all lessons. And if we can start looking at them as lessons, and some of those things are the very reason that we are here today and doing what we're doing. And so there's there are good things in all of them. If you look for them,

Unknown: 14:55

and sometimes there's not sometimes it's just especially when we know What's going on in the world with the acts of violence that happen? However, if there's someone who finds the book or journey, well, you're more than enough finds them, then there's a reason for that. And we want them to know that that's in their past, and we can't drive the boat from the week. We need to move forward. I love

Margarita Gurri: 15:21

that you can't drive the boat from the week.

Unknown: 15:24

And I'm not going to take credit for that. That's from Dr. Wayne Dyer. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I'm really privileged to have studied under some really amazing people throughout my spiritual journey. And I'm grateful for each piece of information and wisdom that has come from that, and able to use that to share with others to build them up to

Margarita Gurri: 15:46

then you're, and I'm sure they're grateful to have you be part of that chain of getting that message out. Yeah. I think that's wonderful. One of my friends and colleagues, Karen Boxman, she's with the a humor society at Ah, she calls herself a neuro humorous. Oh, and she's you guys got to know her. I mean, she is saying some of the stuff you're saying. And she says it in a very funny way. She's brilliant and lovely human being a nurse. I think you guys would, would get along splendidly. Just got that spark that personality that I think you would just love each other. Okay, that's great. I'm looking forward to meeting her. And she needs to meet your doctor Hughes as well. So the rabbi and I had proof of what you were saying we had a Lester Young on our show. A very interesting man, Rabbi, why don't you tell the story because I, I love the way the rabbi tell stories. So whenever I can have him tell the stories. He is speaking to this issue about who's good enough. And and who is more than enough, Robin?

Yonason Goldson: 16:56

Yeah, well, the the episode just went live. And I discovered him on LinkedIn, and was just so over, overwhelmed by his story. He was 19 years old, when he was involved in a drug deal that went wrong. And he killed him. And he was sentenced to life imprisonment. And when he got in he, he had inadequate education. But the prison chaplain reached out to him and encouraged him to read. He didn't read well. And so he wasn't interested. But the chaplain persisted. And he started to read, he discovered that there's wisdom in those books. And he became motivated. And he saw a message that resonated with him that he could put it action. And then other inmates started noticing that he had something to say. And he started teaching classes in the prison courtyard, or exercise yard. And he eventually had hundreds of inmates around him listening, teaching, and he would give them assignments. He sort of 22 years before he was released, he has since he made he made peace with the family of his victim. And he is now an advocate for prison reform. Because it's a tiny percentage of convicts who have his kind of experience where they really emerge. I mean, we call these institutions, correctional facilities. But the records not real good. Know that his story is so inspiring to me, because it's a story of true redemption. He really did the worst, not the worst thing a person could do. But he was able to change himself. And take that experience, and turn it into something positive, make true amends. And now incorporate that in what you said about our our mistakes, or opportunities. And we aren't the worst thing we've ever done. Some of the worst thing we've ever done can make us the best person we could ever become. Yes, yes, absolutely true. Yeah.

Unknown: 19:17

Totally agree.

Margarita Gurri: 19:19

Well, we're tracking proof. I'm sorry. Well,

Byron Edgington: 19:23

I've tracked him down to

Margarita Gurri: 19:25

Yeah, he's living proof that you two are right. You both have had amazing careers. And you are now paying it forward in a brilliant and kind way. How are you sharing your message? I know you've written this book, you've got online courses, you're doing podcast. Yes. I'm glad you're on our podcast. What are you doing? So that people can know and they can learn more from you?

Byron Edgington: 19:52

You know, one of the things we tried to do, it's not always easy, but we're trying to to live the message ourselves. and

Margarita Gurri: 20:01

just that's evident actually in your faces.

Byron Edgington: 20:04

Oh, good, good. Thanks. Yeah, well, yeah, we kind of joke about this fact that we're the brand. You know, that's kind of, you know, I don't want to commercialize the whole thing. But yeah, let's see if we can get the word out. That's all the better that is important thing as he's trying to pack. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 20:21

There's a Spanish thing about partners, you can tell the countenance of the person by or the measure of the partner by the countenance of their partner, right? Okay. Can they often say for how husband and wife but I think if you look to, to how, who's around us? So that's one of my questions, then, can we find that better life? If we're still surrounding ourselves, with people who are harmful to us? And I know you're not shrinks, but you guys are wise. So from your wisdom for in the field? Can we do this?

Byron Edgington: 21:03

Yeah, very good question.

Mariah Edgington: 21:05

It is a good question. And it's interesting, because it depends on how close you are to that person that is harmful, or, and or you've all heard the word toxic. And we can distance ourselves from some people. And then there's some people that aren't as easy to distance ourselves from, for example, if it was somebody that you're married to, or a parent or a sibling, and you feel like you have to stay connected. Yes, personally, I've had relationships of close people where I've had to put some distance and boundaries in and around myself. And the way I was able to do it was by simply saying that this is uncomfortable for me to speak about. And if we continue to speak about it, we will not be able to do that. Well. And I said, I'm not upset with you, I am not trying to change you. But for my own personal benefit, I'm going to have to hang up and I'm just explaining to you I'm not hanging up on you. I am just setting a boundary that I'm not comfortable speaking about that any longer. And so thank you for understanding that I'm hanging the phone up now. And that was one of the toughest things I did because it was close person in my life. Any went on for oh, I don't know, a couple years that I would just stop the conversation and say, you know, here we are at that crossroad again. And, and I'm sorry, but I still love you. And I just cannot speak about this. And I'm hanging the phone up now and do it. So that took a while and it was not easy. It was very uncomfortable. Because I'm a people pleaser. And I just needed to start protecting myself and honoring myself first. And oddly enough, that person and I came back together. And with an understanding that that's called self respect and self love.

Margarita Gurri: 23:03

So something that the rabbi talks about a lot is boundaries. But when thing as a psychologist, we set a boundary and explain it like that with someone else. Some people receive it other people don't. But it isn't just for ourselves. When you set a boundary about something that is not lovely. You're actually defending their happiness as well. Sure you're carrying the load for too. Yeah, so Rabbi boundaries.

Yonason Goldson: 23:30

You know, we've mentioned before the Hebrew word for rebuke sure is its route with the word for validation. When I rebuke you, it means I believe in your capacity to do better. So the sages say love rebuke. Of course, the reality is we don't love review. Because we take it personally. And what you're demonstrating right is a way where you're taking on yourself and saying, This is my boundary. And I'm not prepared to cross my own boundary. And by doing that, you're modeling that you are true to your core values, and what your core values wrong. Yeah, and that, that can only have a positive effect. Not that everybody is going to get it. Right. But the people who value you who value the relationship with you, they're at least going to be forced to consider. I want to have a relationship with somebody, what am I going to have to do to make that work? I mean, I constantly quote Jim Rohn, he says, You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And, and then there are so many facets to that is if I want to be accepted in company that's worthwhile. I have to be worthy of their time. Exactly. And that sets the bar higher for me, which in turn sets the bar higher for people around me.

Margarita Gurri: 25:09

So Mariah, you were being a leader in helping create a better life for yourself. And for those five people you hang with you were also defending your relationship with your husband. Because I believe that when we are pushovers and continue to allow other people to set the tone for us. We're harming everyone.

Byron Edgington: 25:30

That's true. Yeah. And in fact, we have a whole chapter in your name. Well, you're welcome enough. The fact the title of the chapter is boundaries. Yes, we talk about the dignity that those boundaries provide you, and how easy it is to just ignore your own boundaries a lot of the time. And I don't want to generalize, but I think that's probably more true of women than men. I

Margarita Gurri: 25:56

don't know. I would agree with you. Yeah, I think women have been taught to be more polite and to not set the tone. Luckily, I think we're doing better at setting the tone in a variety of kinds of ways. Leadership has improved in women. And we're more allowed to speak our mind without people calling us names. And even if they do, we do a better job of doing it anyway. Good. Yeah, I think it's lovely,

Yonason Goldson: 26:20

real talent is to be able to do it in a way where it will not be seen as confrontational, right, or dismissive, or sanctimonious, but in a way that allows for the message to be heard. Because that's part of ethics, too. It's not just what I say. It's how I say it, and taking into account how it's going to be received.

Margarita Gurri: 26:48

Well, that's no fun. You may not have to be accountable for what I say. And how I said, there's no fun in that route. But

Yonason Goldson: 26:55

we're not here to have fun. Oh, all right.

Byron Edgington: 26:58

You know, it also comes back. And speaking of ethics, I think the rabbi could speak to this better than I do. But I think it's more ethical, the more aware we are and the better listeners we are, I think, the closer we get to having an ethical relationship with other people. And I mean, that's, that sounds like kind of a fuzzy concept there. But I'm sure your honesty, obviously, you can speak to that. But I do. But I think we have an obligation to other people to be aware of their boundaries. So it works both ways.

Yonason Goldson: 27:34

Certainly the we said that the ethics is empathy. And that means we have that awareness, we have a responsibility to cultivate that awareness. Right? Because we want it from others. And so we are it's incumbent upon us to show the same consideration to them. Absolutely.

Byron Edgington: 27:53

Absolutely. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 28:01

I love this journey that you're on. You're certainly journaling journey in well, aren't you? Well, we're

Byron Edgington: 28:07

trying. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 28:08

So what are the next adventures in, in mind for you all?

Byron Edgington: 28:14

Well, one of the things I should mention, I suppose, is that we see journey. Well, you are more than enough as kind of the flagship, if you will, it's going to be a series. Cool. And we have in mind three or four other titles. Because our our main purpose really is to help people to give people some affirmation. So they know in and I should explain a little bit more about the subtitle, I suppose. Because we hear all our lives. So you're okay, you're doing fine. You're doing okay, you're not enough. But our take on that is different. We think people are more than enough. Yeah. And the word more can't be defined. It's kind of like soon or Sunday, you can't define it. And so we chose that subtitle, because you can't define more. It's leadless. And so we, we intend to add to the number of titles. And we already have two or three in mind that are going to be coming very soon. And by the way, I guess I should We should mention to that journey. Well, you are more than enough. We'll be published very, very soon. And I'm going to do this

Margarita Gurri: 29:22

because I tried to buy it and couldn't

Byron Edgington: 29:26

available yet, but it will be

Margarita Gurri: 29:28

would you do us a favor and send us an email when we can buy it?

Byron Edgington: 29:33

Absolutely. And you can

Mariah Edgington: 29:35

go to our website, and you will be able to sign up to be notified. And it does.

Margarita Gurri: 29:40

Oh, I missed that. I will. I will check on that. Yeah,

Yonason Goldson: 29:43

and Byron, you put me in mind and one of my one of my favorite quotes is from Rabbi Moses Sofer, who lived in the late 1800s in Europe. And he said, You don't have to change. You simply have to uncover the person You truly are absolutely love. And I think that really speaks to your message that we are in in dresses, the question you ask Dr. Wright, everyone is more than enough. If we let ourselves be, if you let yourself, if we ask for the help, we might need to let ourselves be, but to recognize that potential, and that intrinsic worth that every single human being has, is truly empowering, isn't it is

Mariah Edgington: 30:29

it is empowering. And it's interesting when you realize that our life is full of abundance already, and can be even more abundantly full when we make different choices about the awareness that is around us. So our decisions are impacting our lives every day. And when we realize I do have a choice to make a better life, and find steps and people that the five people that you surround yourself with, and others that can help lift you up and elevate you. That is when your life can change in a very important way.

Margarita Gurri: 31:07

How have your lives changed since you've embarked on this amazing mission and journey? So much?

Byron Edgington: 31:15

You know, well, I, I guess I could actually say that I have become a lot more aware of, for example, a lot more aware of the interaction, because I really do believe that our brains believe what we tell them. And if we tell them good things, then we're going to find good things in our lives, we're going to gravitate to positive people, if we act that way, and convince ourselves that that's what we want. And the opposite is obviously true as well. So that's one of the ways that I have noticed a change in myself. I'm still a work in progress. But I've noticed that in myself.

Mariah Edgington: 31:59

Yeah. And for me, it is amazing to me to realize when you open yourself up to good things, good things like you to Dr. And Rabbi, have come into our life in any way. And our paths would not have crossed had we not embarked on this journey. And so I want to thank you both for this opportunity to meet you. Because you're very important people in our journey. You are more than enough.

Margarita Gurri: 32:27

We feel the same about y'all. Yeah,

Byron Edgington: 32:30

let me let me hit objects over here that something else that we have had a firm for ourselves is we've been expats, we've expanded twice, and just now moved back to the US to be with Maria's mom, my mother in law during the pandemic, because she's now 91 Wow, she's living alone. And so we came back, we left meta gene Colombia where we were like, and came back to take care of mom. And every time we become expats, we've had to get away everything we own basically, as in fact, we moved one place, we moved by UPS, we had that little so we've given away cars and bicycles. And that's we've given everything away.

Yonason Goldson: 33:16

Oh, it's next time you're moving. Yeah.

Margarita Gurri: 33:20

We just gonna say the same thing robot.

Byron Edgington: 33:24

But the The upshot of the story, of course, as you probably already, every time we've given all this stuff away, we always get more back abundance. It's called Abundance. And, you know, we neither one of us believe in a zero sum world, we just go to just not true.

Margarita Gurri: 33:41

See, and I think that many people look at the two of you. You're beautiful, you're smart, you've had amazing lives, both leezar leaders, thought leaders in your fields, and they think of this as extra that you're doing. But by your own definition is not an extra it is simply part of your turning. This giving back is also about receiving back which is a way of giving right so it is the circular giving that you're diving into. Right. And I don't think of it as extra I think it is as the next part of the journey. I'm I'm just so delighted that you decided to do that. I don't know what possessed you. Maybe a little bit of mental illness I don't know but you could have just been sitting back on a beach doing nothing. And we're glad that you got moved to do this next part of the journey.

Byron Edgington: 34:35

Hello, I should I should share doctor I should share that with you this will resonate with you there's a park in meta gene Colombia that's dedicated to the victims of the violence in that country for the last 15 years so much yeah. And the chiseled into the wall of that park is an expression so most locate they almost always DM us. You know we are what we leave behind. And so really, especially, because I'm 70, I'll be 74. This year, you really do start to think about your legacy. Yes, start to think about what you're going to leave behind. And it goes way beyond what's going to be on your headstone. Yes, no. And so that's one of the reasons to one of the other things that drives, what we're doing right now is that that desire to leave a positive message behind.

Yonason Goldson: 35:29

And that's certainly what you're describing. And one of the one of the topics in your book is perception. And speaks to all kinds of context. And if we would, there's so much focus on how bad things are, in our lives in our society. Look around the people in the world who have problems that make ours just vanish into insignificance. It doesn't mean that we are going to have our frustrations and our difficulties and our challenges and our upsets or in justices, there are genuine problems, but then put them in context to keep them in perspective. And to see how much blessing there really is in our lives. If we make that our focus. And then we're actually going to be in a frame of mind where we can address those problems instead of just wallowing in.

Margarita Gurri: 36:30

Unfortunately, some of the most unhappy people I've ever met are people who look like they have everything. Yeah. And I think that our own personal journeys, of being more than enough, is a great place to start. No matter where we are in life and what challenges we face like the rabbi says, whether we're living a life that looks blessed, or life with some obvious challenges, I think the task is the same. So Well, we've come to the part where we have the rabbi, and he is done that around word of the day. Grimmond. When we come back, we're gonna ask you for your final words of wisdom, a takeaway. So Rabbi, sir,

Yonason Goldson: 37:11

word of the day is over determined, which is actually a psychological term. But it extends beyond that it means to determine account for, or cause something in more than one way or with more conditions than aren't necessary. And so if you think of the classic science experiment, chemistry experiment, you want to change one variable between the control and the experiment, to determine whether that variable is responsible for change an outcome. Life isn't like that. There are lots of different effects causes instances. And if we try to reduce our problems, to one single cause, or even our victories and successes to one single cause, we do ourselves a tremendous disservice. Because we, we aren't objectively evaluating. And so we can't learn fully from the experience, we may put all the emphasis on a single cause, which is maybe not the primary cause, or which is only a cause in the context of other causes. So what we need to do is we have to balance the individual causes and individual influences in our lives with the collective environment, circumstances, situations. It's a juggling act. It's why the doctor and I focus so much on ethics, because ethics is all about the gray areas of life. And we have to deal with that when we try to reduce everything to binary. Good, bad, right? Wrong. Yes, no. That's just not reality. And what you're offering in your book, and in your work, is a way for us to expand our perception, to contextualize to appreciate both the things that we have and the things that we need to improve so that we can make ourselves better. And by doing so, we make the world better. And so we thank you. Thank you.

Byron Edgington: 39:35

Well, hey, thanks for having us. It was just a real pleasure. And we love surrounding ourselves with smart, engaging. Treat. So thank you very much.

Yonason Goldson: 39:48

If you'd like to leave us with I'm sorry, final, like leave us with.

Byron Edgington: 39:54

Yes, abundance is the word that comes to mind. Yeah, yes.

Mariah Edgington: 39:58

Yeah. And Jim ferocity of heart to yourself first to know, you are more than enough to love yourself fully, and others, and just pass that on forward.

Margarita Gurri: 40:10

Brilliant. Brilliant, I'm glad you added the self like.

Yonason Goldson: 40:17

Roger, do you have a last word?

Margarita Gurri: 40:19

Oh, you know, I'm never short that opinion. The whole idea of being more than enough, I think that's true. So for those of you listening, and you know that you're more than enough, but you know, you can grow more, please do. So. All you have to do is think about who you can call who you can smile at, who you can somehow be there for, whether it's getting rid of all your stuff and moving with your, your mother who is alone. Or you're starting a new chapter of your life because you don't like where you are. Think of the new beginnings. And for those of you who are stable, and not changing much. Look around and see how you can add for those of you feel like you're not enough. Know that, in this sense, you're wrong. Everyone has what they need. If you've done something yucky, atone for it in a thoughtful and kind way, if you don't know how to be kind to yourself, reach out to somebody who has enough wisdom to help you grapple with gray, that's the rabbi's book, I like to pitch his book. And I think that if you can't make it yet pretend to be the person that you know, you were meant to be. So I've often told people I just pretend to be you. And sometimes we lose our way just pretend to be you but the best version of you. And somehow then the things we need to do to apologize or to add to the world in a better way. Somehow just fall off of us. It works, though. I want to thank you again, Mariah. And Byron. I love the mission. Thank you Rabbi always for your contribution and for finding them for he's a good finder.

Yonason Goldson: 42:10

Thank you. You can us all together. Oh,

Margarita Gurri: 42:14

what's my pleasure?

Mariah Edgington: 42:15

Hey, thank you, Rabbi, and we really appreciate this.

Margarita Gurri: 42:19

Thank you. If we can be of service. Please check us out podcast at the rabbi and the shrink calm. We'll see you at our next episode. And please know that you are indeed more than enough. Thank you all and be